Chatterbox: Down to Earth

Being Not Okay Thread

Hi all! This thread is for you, whether you have depression or you're stressed or mad at someone or whatever. It's a place to talk and rant and for anything else that it needs to be for. 

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Soooo...storytime....Today really sucked. Here's why:

So today, I was in science class (which is my 3rd block class) around 11:15. I went to go to the bathroom. And then when I was walking out of a bathroom stall, the fire alarm went off. Mind you, I've only been in two other fire drills/school evacuations, because I've been homeschooled before going to high school. Also, this wasn't a scheduled fire drill, it was really unexpected. So the fire alarm went off, and I got kind of scared. I like ran out of the bathroom and just followed the crowd downstairs and outside and then we were standing around outside the doors.

Here's where my day got even worse. I had been wearing a flannel shirt earlier that morning, but I took it off when I went to the bathroom. So basically I was just wearing jeans and a thin t-shirt. And it was literally freezing outside--it was below freezing overnight and when I was outside, it was really cold. Also, I had no idea where any of my friends were, because I wasn't with them in class when we had to leave the school and I couldn't see them anywhere. So then I was just standing outside, by myself in a crowd of people, freezing, and really lonely. And it was windy too. I stood there for so long--I think it was almost half an hour--while people were trying to figure out what set off the fire alarm. And that whole time, I was hugging myself to try to keep myself warm, and feeling kind of upset because I was alone. I kind of wondered what it would be like if I had a breakdown right then and there, but I thought no, I wouldn't start crying because I didn't really feel like it.

After about half an hour, I was just looking around and all of a sudden I saw some of my other friends, ones whom I share other classes with but who weren't with me in science. I still have no idea where they came from but they just kind of randomly appeared there. So I kinda ran over to them, and then my friend M said I must be so cold and asked if I wanted a hug, and so she gave me a hug and guess I was just so cold and had been alone for too long and I actually did get scared by the fire alarm, so I just started sobbing, and I ended up crying into M's shoulder for a little while. I couldn't really stop and I didn't know why I was crying, but I guess I was so stressed and anxious I then ended up actually having a breakdown.

Soon after I found my friends, we all had to go to the gym because I guess they decided it was too cold to have us all outside, but then once we got to the gym they managed to turn off the alarm and we all got to go back to classes. I managed to sort of stop crying as we walked into the gym, but I was still kind of teary. And then I went back to science class, but we only had about 5 minutes left in the block anyway, so I just got my stuff and stood around with my friends (the other ones who were actually in science with me) waiting to go to lunch--and the whole time I was just trying not to start crying again again because I stil felt pretty shaky.

Then we were going to lunch and as we were walking down the stairs, my friend E noticed that my eyes were red and asked if I was okay and I kind of like shook my head but also tried to say that I was just to deflect her question so I wouldn't have to talk more. But she asked me something else and then I burst into tears in the stairwell and I'm so embarrassed, there weren't a lot of people going down the stairs behind us but they all must've seen me crying. But E just like dragged me through the hallway into the bathroom and she was asking me all these questions, like if something with my family was upsetting me, and I didn't know how to tell her that I had just been freezing and lonely and shaken for half an hour or more and I was so upset because of that but then she just waited with me in the bathroom while I calmed down and I was mostly okay after that.

So yeah...I'm a mess today. Thank you if you read my rant/story/thing. <3