Hi Alizarine. First of all, I've never had ovaltine. It sounds interesting. Two, today I am going to work on my story, listen to Tobymac, suffer heartache every time I see my crush pass by, discuss Roman history, get all the wrong answers in math or just not participate, post on the CB, and practice playing the Pink Panther on the piano.

Pretty Ok........ 

Ew, Ovaltine sounds like medicine.

...

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Sorry if that sounded offensive.

I am doing okay. Earlier today I ran circles around the barn trying to catch tiny chickens with my sister, and then we went to daily mass and then the library, and I played Pokemon White Version 2 for an hour, and whe we went home I spent at least an hour and a half writing in my novel, and then I watched about three minutes of a NaNoWriMo vidio chat thing online and then gave up and argued with my mom about it, and then found out that one of my brothers broke the glue off the new sword prop I'm making for my All Saints Day costume and freaked out about it, and worked on my novel for about another half hour, and now I'm on the CB for maybe the third or fourth time today and watching my mom work out, and later tonight I am going to Womanly Wednesday Youth Group to keep R company bc no one else ever comes. 

I'm kinda grumpy today bc lately I've been randomely and irrationally furious about stupid stuff and I don't know what to do about it. Rn I'm furious about my sword, and at my mom for not UNDERSTANDING WHY I DON'T WANT TO WATCH THE online CHAT, and other things such as why did I not prepare for NaNoWriMo better. 

Sorry that this turned into a little bit of a short rant....... 

I...honestly don’t know anymore. *sighs* I’m not really okay at the moment, but in general I guess I’m surviving. 

My day was mostly okay. After school I watched some Ted talks and other online stuff while I worked on Inktober for the day, and then I had pointe. After that I had the absolute joy of going to this youth group that I just love (sarcasm alert), where I go every week to sit in the back, alone, and pretend to listen while I watch everyone whisper and laugh with their friends while wishing I had friends and feeling sorry for myself. 

It’s just lovely. *laughs derangedly* 

Today was pretty good. I wasn't expecting to have school today— We've had the last few days off since, uh, California is kind of burning down around us! It's fine! We're fine! Hahahaha! But some of the evacuation orders have been rescinded, so we're back on. I had class, class, more class, a costume fitting for theater, and then a free period at the end of the day which was nice.

Then we had a run-through for theater (we're doing A Chorus Line btw) and that was... okay. There were some good things. There were a lot of bad things. This one number that we've been working on forever fell to pieces AGAIN, because of course it did, but at least Alternatives is actually good now. And the costume change at the end?? Sis... we're dead.

It was fun, though, and it just made me more excited to go on Tour, except the trip got postponed by one day because, as I mentioned, EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE... It's okay. But I was really looking forward to it and now I have to WAIT. I know it's not D's fault and it's for the better overall, but I'm still kinda bummed. :/

How are you not freaking out about... you know... everything being on fire?

Also, like two weeks back, I was making pasta and I used a towel to take the cover off instead of a kitchen glove. And then... the towel kind of caught fire. There were flames on the bottom and stuff. I panicked and my sister yelled at me to stuff it in the sink. It was slightly traumtic, even though as I'm thinking about it now it was really quite funny. I was crying directly after, though. I think mostly because I've had some past experince with "fire" (more like lightning) and it's hard to get over. But yeah. What you said about California fires reminded me.  

So yeah. I'm doing okay. Things are just complicated as a teenager, you know?

Like...

Everything my sister does seems to get me into an argument with her. "Your pony makes you look like a troll". I mean, really? Like, every three seconds.

I do NOT like my teachers.

My friends sometimes act weird. And annoying. And easily insulted.

There's an extremely stupid... clique in my class and I literally want to smack them and be like "no one thinks you're cool, everyone hates you, so stop ruining my high school life! I am fine without you being here!" They're so... frustrating. 

I feel alternatively like my mother tells me what to do so often/I'm not doing what my mother tells me to enough.

I learned how to make cool friendship bracelets! XD

My grandfather passed away a little over a month ago. Sometimes it feels like it's in my past and I'm fine, and other times... the thoughts and memories and tears just keep coming.

I feel like no one sees how much I have to offer.

I keep feeling strange and... well, like I'm wandering.  

I'm gonna stop here. Thanks for giving me the oppotunity to rant.

By the way, did anyone listen to "Heaven's Not Too Far Away" by We Three? = *sobs*