Hi guys!

This thing has been happening to me recently that's kind of interesting but it mostly sucks. I'm in my early teens and figuring myself out in a lot of ways, and I get anxious kind of a lot (just giving some background), and recently I've been having random times where I just feel... down. Like I feel kind of sad and bored and stuck in a little "down" fog. I feel gray and sort of hopeless, but it doesn't feel dramatic. It usually only lasts a couple minutes and then I get a sort of swing of hope and then it might go back. I've felt like this before but it's gotten more frequent recently. 

So I guess I kinda wanted to put that out there, for other people to feel less alone and for me to get some advice. I'm not really worried about it because I have a couple coping mechanisms (like excercise and going through happy things in my mind and watching funny stuff and talking to friends online and just... doing stuff with my parents) and I think this might just be happening because I have a couple weeks of not doing much. So I don't think this is some new mental illness and I'd prefer for people to not try and diagnose me if they want to give me advice, because that would probably make me feel worse, but I would like some advice on how to leave these weird moments behind. 

I just read an intresting article/podcast (because your girl has adhd and hast to read along and watch and listen to actually understand anything with muisc playing in the background hehe) that explores socail dynamics and why we compare ourselves to other people. 

Is it just our generation and our use of devices? How we meet so many people and eveyone has a talent you don't have? Or is it the negitivity other generations push on us-you need to keep this steryotype, you need to wear your hair like this, how dare you act that way!, be more like her, you're never good enough. Thats not true. What is perfect? Can you define perfect? No. 'Cause it doesn't exist! We all have our own skills, our own weaknesses, and if we compare our weaknesses to other's skills we automatically loose and feel less then we are. Its ok to not be perfect, and it's ok to make mistakes! It's how you figure out who you are. Your individuality is unique to you, you don't get it from the skinny instagram stars who only eat a small salad a day, from the billionare who cheated his way to fame, from the neglected child who's only strenght is dance because it's their only escape. Everyone's story is different, and not always as simple as 'perfect body, perfect eyes, perfect smile'. Because what you don't know, is that that modle suffered many eating dissorders through her youth because of this ideal image sociaty progected at her, that maybe she's wearing contacts, or the left eye is fake because she got in a car accident when she was six. And underneath her flawless smile, she hides scars so deeply baried that no one can see them, except in the form of little white lines hidden in the nooks of her legs. 

Society tells us who we need to be. We don't actually make our own dissisions, we follow everyone else. You want to be skinny because society says its attractive. You want blond hair and blue eyes because people generations before thought it was ideal. Who do you really want to be? How can you display this through your actions your thoughts your looks your expressions your clothes. You dont have to be like them. They don't have to be like you. 

What is courage? Most of you would issisuate this word with a lion, a tiger perhaps, a hero flying into battle or a strong heroine with a long billowing cape holding a sword to the angelic sun. I define courage by vunrability. Yea, vunrability. 

We, as Americans in this culture at this time in space in this century, lack courage because we aren't vunrable because we are afraid of failure and being shamed and not being like the rest. We're afraid of individualisum, we're afraid to take risks. And because socity inforces this norm, you become less creative less happy less adventuriss less inoitive. You care more about what they will think, and avoiding their shame. 

And this results in you being more drawn back in your drawings, more afraid to write everything that comes to mind 'what if I sound stupid' you'll never know unless you try. And if it isn't to your liking, try again! And again! And boom, you've made a master peice. Allow yourself to find pride in your work even if it isnt the best because there is no such thing. People have different oppinions, 'the best' changes from person to person. 

So, moral of this long speach claaws has written at half-past midnight, be yourself. Take risks. Be innotive, be vunrable, be couragous, be creative, be change. 

Love you all <3 

Hey guys. I’ve been meaning to post here for awhile, but I never got around to it. So here I am.

I have diagnosed general anxiety. I was diagnosed around three, but I’ve probably had anxiety since the day I was born. It sucks. Lately, I think it’s been getting worse. I also might have depression. I haven’t been diagnosed for that one. It’s hard to tell sometimes whether or not I have it. I have good days and bad days, but the bad days have gotten more frequent. I’m sad and down a lot. Sometimes there’s a reason. For example, I’m also really lonely. I have some amazing friends, but they all live hours away and I don’t get to see them much. I don’t really have any friends where I live, only acquaintances really. Being homeschooled, as much as I love it, makes finding friends harder. And so does being an introvert with anxiety. Lately I’ve been really lonely, and just missing my friends, which could be causing some of my depression. Other times I’m just down in general and feel like all my problems are bearing down on me. I might go to a therapist soon to see if I really do ‘official’ depression.

Some of the things I do to cope with my anxiety are:

-Deep breaths. These can really help when you’re having an anxiety attack.

-Exercise.

-Making Art/writing.

-Going outside. Forests are especially great. I don’t think the trees and the wind and the aloneness have ever failed to calm me.

-Stretching and yoga. It’s always relaxing.

-Hot baths are great. Bonus points if they have essential oils and/or nice smelling soap. I don’t do this one as much, but it’s always relaxing. So are hot showers.

-Petting/cuddling/playing with an animal.

-Venting to someone/myself. 

-Reading. Helps to distract me and get me out of my head.

So yeah...I guess that’s all. I might post again later, about some of the other things I struggle with, or maybe just to rant. We’ll see.