excuses

Chatterbox: Down to Earth

excuses

excuses 

i keep making excuses,

procrastinating, waiting, distracting

i know i want to write

to create

to inspire

i have it all, here in my head (i composed it

at night, alone

except for my mind--

why is that the only time i can focus,

now?)

but how can i write,

when just reaching for a pencil feels like a stretch?

when i have betterworse ways to waste my time:

i can watch strangers tell me about their days, i can open countless other things to do

i can look the tsunami of those that are more

more beautiful, more thoughtful, more poetic, more depressed, more dramatic,

wouldn't it be so much better to watch the masters?

and how can i write,

when i heard that kid in math class make fun of almost the exact line i had in my head

and he's right,

it's just as pathetic as the rest of them

(and here i go again, making myself into

a depressed drama queen that i know i'm not).

the days go my so fast and there's

never enough time, i always get distracted

i always feel so stretched thin, like i can't catch my breath,

yet i know i could, if only i wanted to enough,

if only i would stop (making excuses). 

i can't get anything done, i can't focus

i feel like a zombie, so

disappointed

in me. i've let everyone down and yet,

how can i dare to reach out,

when i know i'll just drown in the void everyone else is taking up,

or the void i've created within myself,

and there are so many people who need it more,

i'm just lazy, i just need to wake up,

i just need to be there,

i'm being melodramatic, see

i keep making excuses. 

submitted by Stardust, just trying to explain
(December 10, 2018 - 4:58 pm)

back to the Down to Earth

OMG THIS IS SO RELATEABLE

but don't be too hard on yourself. There's always time to change, and even having creative thoughts is one part of the process. 

submitted by Applejaguar, Wisteria
(December 10, 2018 - 6:09 pm)

Top

submitted by Topplejaguar
(December 10, 2018 - 6:15 pm)
submitted by *hugs*
(December 10, 2018 - 6:35 pm)

AH this is sooo relatable. Wow, I get that so hard. You’ve somehow managed to put lots of what I’ve been feeling lately into words, and perfectly.

I don’t really have any advice, unfortunately. I just wanted to say you aren’t the only one who feels that way.

submitted by Leeli
(December 10, 2018 - 9:48 pm)

Wow, that just about sums that up. Excuses. I hate making them, I’m really good at making them, I want to stop, I make more as to why I am and am not. It tires me. Sometimes you can never get out of something without them. I still hate it, especially with my writing. I feel you, Stardust.

Elli says nhhu 

submitted by Jwyn, age 13, The Realm of Creativity
(December 11, 2018 - 3:10 pm)

This is so well written, and also a mood. Sometimes I get this feeling when I'm sitting and almost actively procrastinating, and I can feel the weight of what I should be doing pressing down on me, but I can't break out, and everything is muted and I know I just need to do the thing, but I can't, and I can feel my dreams slipping away with every passing moment, and whenever I try to start it's like forcing my way through thick molasses and why am I like this?  

submitted by QueenPersephone, age Immortal, Hades
(December 11, 2018 - 5:36 pm)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Oh my GOSH, YES. AH I’m not the only one! *rejoices* QueenPersephone, I feel like that so much lately, and you summed it up perfectly. 

On another note, I haven’t seen you around before. Are you new to the CB? If so, welcome!

submitted by Leeli
(December 11, 2018 - 8:21 pm)

Glad to know I'm not the only one! I am new! I've been looking around a lot, but I haven't really posted much. So thank you!

submitted by QueenPersephone, age Immortal, Hades
(December 13, 2018 - 9:59 pm)

OMGOODNESS-I can totally relate to this!!! Such a great piece of writing! Great job! :)

submitted by Joan B. of Arc, age 16, Camelot
(December 11, 2018 - 8:06 pm)

Night is a strange and interesting time. I feel like I wake up after dark, after dinner, after I should be asleep. I have heard it’s like this for many people—is that what they call a ‘night owl’? 

I struggle with this, too. The best thing to do seems to be to take a step back, stop blaming yourself, and think about things you could do rather than should.

And finally, that was beautiful. I love the imagery, the feelings you’ve managed to conjure. It makes so much sense and it’s so relatable and just. Love.

Songs are The Future Freaks Me Out by Motion City Soundtrack, July, July! by the Decemberists, Broken by Gorillaz, and Revo by Walk Off The Earth.

submitted by Viola?, age Secret, Secret
(December 19, 2018 - 5:35 pm)