Happy? I guess. I'm pretty scared a lot of the time. In the short term, I am sort of happy. There is a splattering of little things every day that make me happy at different levels. In the long term so far, I think I am happy. I'm doing stuff that I like, though not as much of it as I want. There's contrast, something to work towards... It would bring me happiness to write right now, and also to draw, to do homework, to eat something, to watch or read something, to sing, to sleep. I'm going to go do some of that. 

Mexi says pckt! Picket? Packet? Picture? 

Yes.

That's what they want to hear, that's what I have to say. 

I'm a girl, a female, a cheerleader none-the-less. We're emotional but peppy, always happy because we have it all, right? How could that be wrong?

It's just another stereotype. 

But I say yes anyway.

I make myself believe its true,

as I talk to myself,

in the bathroom mirror,

pretending everything's ok.

"I'm happy," I say. "I'm happy with everything the way it is."

because that's what the therapist told me to say. 

So I laugh.

And I hide.

Because after all, sometimes the darkest secrets hide behind the biggest smiles. 

You're right, this isn't a simple question, and there isn't a simple answer. I thought quite a bit about what I wanted to say on this subject. And in the end, there's no real, perfect, simple, solution. But I will say this:

I love my family and who I am and how I look. I love my friends and our inside jokes and vine compilations and impromptu sleepovers and crying sessions and cuddle piles and staying up late. I love writing scripts with Al and tripping over my feet laughing and lying upside down off the edge of Anya's bunk bed and discussing the existence of free will. I love making stupid iMovies and stealing each others' phones to spam them with selfies. I love staying after school with Emma and sitting on the blue plastic picnic tables and running to Starbucks and laughing ourselves sick.

I love sharing earbuds and how the world smells after the rain. I love Halloween and that our entire block goes crazy for it. I love writing and drawing and having people see my work. I love art and the moon and listening to music and belting out RENT in the shower. I love dancing and playing violin and doodling on my arms and getting up and stretching after having been lying on the floor.

And so I can safely say: yes. I am happy. Not all the time— that's for sure — but in general.

Though there was a time, about a year ago, when things were really dark and scary and I wasn't happy. At all. I was sad all the time and breathing felt like inhaling water and living felt like drowning. And it was terrible and hard, but I got out of it. I talked to people and opened up my insides, exposed the broken parts that I was so scared of showing, and got help fixing them and now... Things are good. So good. And I'm happy.

So if you're unhappy, that doesn't mean forever. There are ways to get out, to get better. And it's worth it. There's always another way. I believe in you. <3

Currently? Mostly no. My physical and mental health is horrible right now. Anti-Depressants only do so much, and no one understands my anxiety. I’m a man on an island it feels like. 

But there’s so many good things to live for though too! Twenty Øne Piløts just released “Trench” after a long hiatus, Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun exist, I have amazing parents, I have two wonderful friends, and books are amazing as well. 

It doesn’t make it better. I still feel drained. I still feel fearful of everything. But it’s better than nothing, so I’ll take it.  

Am I happy? Well, the answer depends on what you mean. Being humans living in a broken world, none of us can feel happy all the time. There are sadnesses and disappointments and heartbreaks. But there’s also excitement and fun and laughter. I’m sure everyone has felt happy at some point, even if only for a moment. But me? Sure, I don’t feel happy all the time. I get emotional. I break down in tears. My whole body shakes sometimes because I’m so scared. But I’m happy, too, every day. And even if I don’t feel happy every moment, I can be happy, no matter my situation, because I believe Jesus set me free from sin and death, and he gives the only true happiness there is; the only happiness that lasts. And it’s free for anyone who would like it.

So my answer to your question actually is quite simple: yes.