Chatterbox: Down to Earth

When petticoats are power-

Wow, I have been incredibly introspective to my self as of lately. I was thinking about this not too long ago, as in last night while brushing my teeth, and I thought it would be good for me to share it.

As the kind of person I am, I always feel like the world is against me, and while it's not true, I know that I stick out. That's been kind of obvious since I set foot outside the house for the first time. I just never fit in. As a kindergartener, I was too young to understand anything, but I knew that I stuck out. I dressed differently than everyone around me, I played with different toys, and I played with them wrong. I would put the Cinderella doll on the T-rex's back and make her ride it across the rug or something like that. I guess those instances have been sort of stuck at the back of my head for a while and while I could never place my finger on it, I felt bad about something. I didn't understand what made me different, but I knew I was.

Now that I'm much older, it makes more sense to me. When I look in the mirror, something else occurs to me. I don't look like my peers either. I have the skin color of my neighbors and the people on TV, but my hair is too dark and straight and my face is too flattened. Not realizing I looked the way I did, I would always look at people who looked different for a little while I was small. Now that I know how I look, I'm conscious, and I know people stare. I went through a few phases in my almost-a-teenager years trying to figure out how to make myself feel better about it, how to fit in. My first instinct was to get rid of my bangs and wear the clothes that my peers wore, but that never did any good. I still stuck out, and this time, I was being fake, so of course it didn't work. It took me a while to figure it out, but I've accepted it not too long ago.

I'm different, I'm gonna stick out, and I always will. So I may as well not try to fit in. I have my bangs back now, and I gladly eat with chopsticks. I correct people on my pronouns, and I wear whatever I want.

As childish as it looks, I feel powerful when I'm at my full self, which is the self that's wearing the light colors and frills and things. My mum still has problems with it, and she doesn't approve of how kiddish I look, but she's going to understand how it helps me some day, because that's my way of wearing armor. Really frilly armor. And there's my vent. *hits submit*