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Chatterbox: Down to Earth
Existential l
Existential loneliness- and a hot dog
I'm a generally happy person, but I have a few things that just tear me down. Usually I ignore them and tell myself I have better things to think about, but every once in a while something will happen that will make me think about everything that makes me want to curl up in a ball and eat rocks alone in the dark.
Today I was listening to music when "count on me" by Bruno Mars came on, and several insecurities came smashing down on me like big old bricks.
Smash! You have no friends!
Smash! Why don't you have friends? Everybody has friends!
Smash! You're incredibly lonely!
Smash! You probably deserve to be lonely!
I retreated to a room with a lock, because if anyone saw me looking miserable, they would ask why, and I dispise talking about feelings without the security of a backspace button.
After being completely despondant in a room for about half an hour, I decided to take a walk because it was chilly outside. If I am walking and cold I typically don't feel sad, so I figured this was a good idea.
I threw on flip flops and a hoodie and walked down the nearest cul-de-sac. I had gotton to the circle turn-around part when I noticed something on the pavement.
It was a hot dog.
And not just any hot dog- the most disgusting hot dog I had ever seen.
It was split open in a spiral sort of way so you could see the inside. The inside's texture looked like bread, or something else that could crumble. Dead grass clippings clung to the outside of it, a stain of some sort of liquid was around it, and the entire thing was a nauseating shade of pink.
I could have sniffed it.
I could have kicked it.
I could have ignored it.
Instead I sat down and spent a substantial amount of time staring at this hot dog, thinking.
At that moment, a couple might have had their first kiss. Someone might have gotton pulled over for speeding. Someone could have won the lottery, or had a baby, or died, or broke a window, or finished a long and boring book, or applied for a job, or stubbed their toe, or named their cat, or wrecked their motercycle, or lit a candle, or patted someone else on the back, or any number of other things-
And there, as the sun began to set, sat a lonely fourteen-year-old, staring at a totally vile sausage and contemplating life.
I walked home feeling much better.
I still have few friends. I still have unfinished work to do. I still have every problem I had five hours ago. But somehow, some way, I feel like I'll be able to make friends at this new co-op I'm going to and that- eventually- things will get better.
All because of that stupid hot dog.
submitted by Alizarine, age unknown, whereabouts uninteresting
(September 8, 2018 - 9:41 pm)
(September 8, 2018 - 9:41 pm)
This is one of the best things I've ever read.
I'm really glad you think things will get better. And if you ever need to talk about this stuff we're always a shoulder to lean on. I wish you well at the new co-op!
(September 9, 2018 - 12:29 am)
Thank you.
And here's a picture of the hot dog-
(September 9, 2018 - 10:13 am)
That...was beautiful.
Good luck. I believe in you.
Nothing I say can compare to that.
(September 9, 2018 - 10:19 am)
...*Wa;lks over and gently hugs Alizarine* *Starts quietly singing You've Got a Friend In Me from Toy Story*
(September 9, 2018 - 3:15 pm)
Alizarine- are you homeschooled?? That was so beautiful!! I’m new to chatterbox, but I love it!
I’m homeschooled but I go to a co-op on Wednesdays.
-Moonlightelf
P.s. can I be your friend?:)
(September 10, 2018 - 9:44 am)
That was absolutely beautiful, Alizarine. I think you should write a TedTalk or something. These things you keep writing are just incredible! You're so good at giving a mood. This one is inspirational and you do it so well. Good luck at the co-op (whatever it may be, I'm sure you'll be fantastic!)
(September 10, 2018 - 6:51 pm)
That was beautiful. Good luck at the co-op, I believe in you! I agree with Cockleburr, you should do a TedTalk.
(September 11, 2018 - 3:55 am)
That was wonderful. Thank you. And thank you to whoever dropped that awful hot dog. You don't even know the amazing things you've done.
(September 11, 2018 - 9:26 am)
Well, first off, I can totally relate to not wanting to talk about feelings in person.
Second off, as disgusting that hot dog looks, I'm glad that random guy who we will probably never know the name of dropped it. Sometimes, thinking about things and turning them over in our heads helps us. And, seriously, you've got the entirety of CB to be your friends. Not in person, but friends are still friends. I like to think of it like everyone here on CB is each other's pen pal, and those definately count as friends. Also, does it matter how many friends you have? I may not have a whole bunch of IRL friends, but those that I have are good to me, and I bet yours are good to you.
And I agree with you. Things always turn around.
(September 12, 2018 - 11:34 am)
Oh my gosh. Thank you all so much. I don't even know what else to say...
Well, first of all, the co-op went well. I don't know anyone that well, but everyone is nice and I recognize a few people from my church. I'm excited for the rest of the year. :D
Second, just- thank you again. I'm so glad to be a part of this community.
@Cockleburr & Arritty: Naw, I don't think I would do a TED talk. Mainly because I wouldn't know what to talk about AND it would be way too short. I actually want to start a blog. I tend to write these story things as they happen, and I'm a fan of several "comedy blogs." Don't know if there's a better name for those, but that would definitly be my format of choice.
And finally, I went down the cul-de-sac to see if the hot dog was still there. It was completely gone and in its place was a totally smashed clear plastic spoon.
No idea where the hot dog went...
(September 14, 2018 - 6:40 am)
Alizarine, your writing is so amazing. This post is so deep and yet so random. I've also read your Ovaltine rant. Five stars *****. If you ever do write a blog be sure to let the CB know or message the classroom on NaNoWriMo, I would LOVE to read it.
(September 18, 2018 - 7:46 pm)