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Advice? Please?? Help???
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Advice? Please?? Help???
Advice? Please?? Help??? I don’t know how to person????
Ok, so before so dive into this, please keep in mind that I’m a humongous introvert as well as have social anxiety so I’m not as much of a jerk as I seem with this. I promise.
So, I recently went to a week long overnight camp [which was honestly torturous, but anyway,] and met some people there. One of them was a guy who we’re going to call E. We all exchanged numbers and stuff, and I kinda expected for no one to do anything with them like what had always happened at my old camp. I was wrong in my expectation. E and the rest of the group made a group chat and proceeded to blow up my phone with notifications, and I had no idea how to get out of the gc. I really don’t like talking to that many people at once [There’s seven people not including myself in the group.], so I kinda just turned off my notifications and ignored it.
Well, apparently E didn’t like that, since he texted me separately and basically said that I should talk on the gc. I explained to him what I said before, but he continued to push me. I ended up turning off his notifications too.
Now he’s mad at me because he’s been texting me for about a week literally every day and I haven’t gotten back to him.
So basically what I’m asking is, first of all, am I being completely rude to him? Secondly, how do I kindly tell him to stop pushing me to do things I am not comfortable with?
Oh! Almost forgot. He also asked me out. I kindly and simply told him that I’m not interested in that kind of a relationship at this point of my life, but he’s acting like we’re dating, and quite frankly it’s revolting and very uncomfortable for me. How do I tell him to lay off when it comes to that, too?
If you made it this far, then, well, thank you for reading my jumbled cry for help. I would sincerely appreciate anything anyone has to say on this subject, whether it’s want I would prefer to hear [er, read] or not. So, thank you again, and I hope you all have a good day/night.
-Nighthawk
submitted by Nighthawk, age -15, Missing You-All Time Low
(September 7, 2018 - 3:05 am)
(September 7, 2018 - 3:05 am)
Wow, that really sounds... very uncomfortable. By the way, you're not being rude. People have the right to chat or not chat on a GC. Anyway, perhaps, instead of ignoring him, you could repetedly tell him that you really aren't comfortable with that kind of thing. It's gonna be hard, but some people really need to be told twice. Don't worry, I know how that all feels.
(September 7, 2018 - 4:54 pm)
What Pooki said. You could approach it sort of like, Hey, this is how I feel, this is really hard for me, and you're a nice guy and I don't want to hurt your feelings, but can you please let me do what's comfortable for me and try to understand?
There's no way to completely predict E's reaction, but what I would guess vaguely from how the situation sounds, is that, hopefully, he's not offended, and although he doesn't really understand what it's like for you, he gets the message and gives you some space.
Hope this helps! :)
Azkiel says fork! Her... fourth? fifth real word?
(September 7, 2018 - 6:30 pm)
*Stares in horror at this post* WHY WOULD HE DO THAT??? Nighthawk, I'm so sorry for you!! Being an introvert myself, I would say that you are not being rude, and if I was confronted with this I would seriously just block him. Delete his contact. I honestly would freak out and close up completely. BUT since I am not you, I am here to give you less severe advice. If you don't want to sever all contact like I would, then I advise that you merely say that you didn't like that he made a huge gc and that you are an extreme introvert, and that you would like it if he would stop acting like your boyfriend until you were both older, more mature, and knew each other significantly better. I suggest that you merely ask him to back off for a little bit to let you think and to assess the problems. Hope this helped...! :)
(September 7, 2018 - 4:55 pm)
I don’t think that’s okay, especially with the part about him asking you out. You should tell an adult, but meanwhile, I suggest you try to talk to him and post this message on the group chat:
Hi, I’m E’s friend from camp. I don’t like texting that much, but I am on here so hi y’all.
Then contine to ignore it. (One of my friends makes a lot of group chats, and I use that message to get out of it when I have to. I get your situation is different, and you don’t have to do that.)
(September 7, 2018 - 5:51 pm)
Hey, guys, thanks for answering! So, I talked to E like twenty minutes ago and basically told him again what I had said before about not liking big gcs as well as asking him to back off a bit. He replied by [paraphrased, obviously] saying that he had heard me the first time, but he thinks it’s rude to ignore the group. I tried telling him that I talked to a few of the people from camp one-on-one, but he wasn’t hearing it. He tried to tell me that being introverted doesn’t matter in this situation seeing as I’m not talking to them face to face, and that he didn’t understand how I could have social anxiety since I seemed “fine” at camp.
In regards to the whole backing off about the whole dating thing, I told him again that I wasn’t interested in a relationship, and that I’m not interested in him romantically whatsoever [especially after all of this]. He basically blew that off and said that he wasn’t making me feel uncomfortable or anything because he was just being my “friend.”
Gah I’m so done with this guy. I wish I had it in me to just block him, but I feel like that’s a really petty thing to do, and I’d be too anxious that something bad would happen and I wouldn’t be there to help. So. Yeah.
Also, he said he has a friend who has depression and anxiety and was asking me my advice for helping this friend, but whenever I would say something he would say either “that doesn’t help” or “I tried that already.” I have both of those disorders, and he doesn’t, so how does he supposedly know more about them than I do??
Sorry for ranting, I just needed to get it off my chest. No one else from camp believes that this is a problem, and my two non-camp friends are obviously not in the middle of this, although one of them, N, already said that he’d kick E’s butt for me soooo.
Thanks again, and sorry for the long post. Have a great day/night!
-Nighthawk
(September 7, 2018 - 8:42 pm)
Blocking someone isn't petty if you have a good reason, and I think you do. I mean, otherwise they wouldn't have made that option. And clearly E has other friends that can help him. But now that we're on that topic...
About the depressed friend, I think that depressed people help other depressed people the best. Speaking from personal experience here. If E could maybe give you his number, I think you could help him more directly. Of course he might be uncomfortable but it's worth a try.
Like Blue Moon said, post a bit on the GC just so he'll be quiet about it. Not on a regular basis but enough that it seems like you're there.
E also seems to think he's not making you uncomfortable. Except he is. So maybe when he does something you have to say to him "Hey, I don't like it when you do this because we're not dating and it makes me uncomfortable."
I'm behind you blocking him, I don't think it's petty but it is a good idea to try other things first and if stuff gets too bad then block him.
Hope this helps
-Neko
(September 8, 2018 - 6:47 am)
At this point...? I think blocking him wouldn't be petty at all. I get why you'd be nervous to cut yourself off (and I would be too) but in this case blocking seems completely acceptable.
Good luck!
(September 8, 2018 - 9:54 am)
What you're comfortable doing isn't his decision, and he's way out of line if he tries to tell you how you should or do feel. Social anxiety doesn't have to be obvious to be present, being introverted has nothing to do with how you feel about group chats or talking in person, and the way friends act around each other varies wildly depending on the people. I don't believe he knows what he's talking about.
Block him if you think you should. It isn't petty at all. If something bad happens, it's very likely that you will not be the only person in the world who could possibly be able to do anything about it. You cannot overstate that you dislike him, cannot go too far in making it clear. My strategy would be to avoid him as much as reasonably possible and not talk to him at all except to push him away. Don't give him anything to latch onto. You don't have to be polite to him. He is disrespecting your boundaries; you are under no obligation to please him. Don't be like the Armless Maiden and cut off your hands if he says he likes them, but don't do him any favors. If he asks why, tell him he makes you uncomfortable. If you can't think of anything to say, don't say anything. Just leave, start doing something else. He doesn't deserve your attention.
If your advice for his friend doesn't satisfy him, that's okay. Sometimes you can't help. Tell him what you know and don't worry about finding the perfect solution. If it's never enough for him, don't even try.
Sorry if this was a little intense. What this guy is doing doesn't sit well with me. It kinda sounds like you're being harassed? Maybe look that up and see if it fits. I hope you don't have to live with him for too much longer... If I knew you in real life, I would be right there with N. For now, good luck!
(September 10, 2018 - 11:09 pm)
(September 8, 2018 - 5:14 pm)
OMK, Rogue, YOU'RE AN INTROVERT?!
Sorry.
BUT WHAT?!
I'm shooked.
*coughs* sorry. Night, dude. I think he a). seems like a stalker. Stalkers are bad. Block them. Don't fall for the 'oh my friend has the same condition' he's probably just pulling your leg so you feel sorry for him and he can swoop in.
Post on the group chat and tell everyone everything he's been doing. I know it might be hard, but they will likely back you up if you've been talking to them outside of the group chat. Worst case, you block them all and forget about it. If you need help with coming up with things to say, I got your back.
If you don't want to block him, make him feel guilty. Make him feel sorry for you, or bad about what he's been doing. He'll likely back off and leave you alone. If not, that's a SERIOUS stalker, and you should ask your other camp friends for help dealing with him.
(September 8, 2018 - 7:36 pm)
If I was you, I would block E and leave the group chat. If someone texts you and asks "Why did you leave the group chat?" or "Why did you block E?", say that the group chat had too many notifications and you didn't text on it anyways, so it was unnecessary and that E was kind of harassing you. I don't know if you want to be this forward, so you can just ignore me LOL.
(September 13, 2018 - 9:20 am)