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Third Culture Kids
Third Culture Kids
So about a month ago, as in probably definitely closer to three weeks ago, I was looking around on the internet. For a long time I've been trying to figure out if moving a lot as a kid can cause someone to be shy or reserved, as I am, but I've never found any satisfying results online until now. I don't remember how, but eventually I stumbled upon this article about third culture kids - tcks. And as I began reading it, I started sobbing. Never in my entire life have I felt so understood. Tcks are kids who grew up in multiple different countries over the course of their life and have moved all over the place. They've seen so much of the world even from a young age, but because they are constantly moving they experience a lot of grief. The term 'third culture kid' refers to the person's culture of birth/their parents, and the culture(s) they grew up in combining to create a third culture.
I lived in Bolivia from when I was four to when I was eight, and in Uganda from when I was eight to when I was ten. We moved away in the middle of the school year (fourth grade) and finally came back to the U.S. I've been to six different schools - nine, if you include preschools. I'm in ninth grade now and still have never been to any one school for longer than two and a half years, yet I can't help getting dearly attached to every place and every school I go. Every time I move, every time I change schools it's another process of uprooting and leaving behind everything. There's always a time limit on who my friends are, like someone's saying "you can be friends, but only until they next time you change schools", and it's never enough. I want to keep traveling my entire life, but I also want good friends that I'll know forever, not just a couple years. There's always email and text that I can use to stay in touch, but that only lasts so long before you gradually just stop seeing each other at all. Sometimes I'm envious of those kids who have been at one school their entire lives, who know everything and everyone, but even so there's no other way I'd want to grow up.
So... yeah. That's my life story. I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting this, except that I've never said this before and I really need to. You guys probably don't really care all that much, but at least I know that I've said it and that at least someone will have read it.
I love you guys.
~The Riddler
(Yes I know I have not posted in forever, but here I am!)
(And also Happy New Year!)
submitted by A TCK, age 15!, Here
(January 2, 2018 - 9:07 pm)
(January 2, 2018 - 9:07 pm)
Hi, The Riddler! I'm new here, so you probably haven't seen me around much. But I can totally relate to being a Third Culture Kid! I've actually never heard that term before now . . . And I thought I was just naturally shy. Because I can painfully shy in real life, sometimes. I don't think I'm fully a TCK, because I do have some lasting friendships, but not as many as most other people. It must be so hard to not have any lasting friendships, The Riddler!
I've technically lived in one city my whole life, but I feel like I've only been there for half of my life. The other half is all across the world. Especially in fourth grade, when I went to two different schools in two different countries (Singapore and China). I've also been to 6 different schools, just like you, not counting preschools (because I have no idea how mnay preschools I've been to, I was too young to remember. Probably 5 just in China alone.) I've never stayed at a school for longer than 2 years. Wow, I never looked at my life this way, but I really have traveled a lot! But at the end of next year (supposing my dad doesn't move us away before then) I'll have stayed at a school for three years, all of middle school! I'm looking forward to it!
Anyways, enough about me, remember that we (your CB friends) are always here for you! You can always talk to us! (Maybe I'm being a little bold in calling you a friend the first time I even meet you? Well, I still think we're going to be friends.)
So I just wanted to say, I understand what you're going through. I know it must be so hard to be a TCK, but there are good things about it too, aren't there? Traveling a lot can open up your view of the world and help you understand different cultures better.
And, also, I'm sure that someday, you'll have lasting friendships of your own. Just wait and see!
(January 3, 2018 - 9:34 am)
(January 3, 2018 - 2:15 pm)
The Riddler! *tackle hugs* I haven't seen you for ages!! I missed you so much.
Wow...that's truly amazing, Riddler. I, who've never moved out of Australia, and never switched schools, always yearned to travel, to see the world. I can't help envying your life, and you can't help envying mine. Funny. And yet, we both wouldn't switch it for anything.
Welcome back, my friend!
(January 3, 2018 - 4:32 pm)
I'm not exactly sure if I would classify as a TCK, as I have only moved once and it was withing the US. But my mom grew up in Brazil and my dad grew up in Brazil, the US, and Norway. I have Norwegian and Brazilian relatives, and I carry a lot of the Brazilian culture with me. I suppose that acculturation takes place and that I sort of adopt characteristics of both cultures. That's something I've always treasured, to be exposed to multiple cultures, and I think it's really cool that you've lived in so many countries. Anyway, the first part of your definition... not really me. But definitely the second part.
Nevertheless, I guess I sort of get what you are saying. I'm shy and reserved, but my parents often talk about moving towards other countries and it causes me to sort of have a panic attack at the thought of saying goodbye to the school and friends that I love. When I changed from elementry school to middle school and then middle to highschool, I lost a lot of friends/ don't keep in contact with them as much and that was really hard. When my friends move away, I grieve their absense for a long time. We start out texting and calling every other day until our relations slowly dissolve into the occasional short email. Even then, I grieve the loss of a good friend. And I know it is harder on the end of the person moving away. If you need to post or write about this again, you can always come to the CB.
And sometimes, I'm actually jealous of people who do move around. Everyone seems to welcome them quickly enough. Whereas, my reputation is sort of stuck. I'll always be seen as sort of reserved and shy and everyone's cliques are already determinded. By moving around, you also gain more experience that others lack and get to meet many new people. I suppose there are bonuses on both sides, but I do think that you'll meet some people that you stay friends with forever. I think it gets easier to do so the older you are. I know my mom still has friends from Brazil from when she moved away when she was 19.
It doesn't sound easy, the grief, but again the CB is here for you. (Sorry for the long post)
(January 3, 2018 - 5:29 pm)
No way! Do you know how long I have been hoping to find another TCK on here? Well, a long time. Anyways, I just want to say that you are definitely NOT alone. While I haven't moved since I was really small, I am still a Third Culture Kid. I haven't experienced leaving everything I know, but I have been a stayer. Soooo many of my friends have moved away and each time they've taken a part of me with them.
I have lived in Azerbaijan for 13 years now (my whole life). To you it might sound like I'm one of those kids whose stationary lives you envy. I have struggled with not feeling like a third culture kid because I haven't truly experienced transition. But I don't think that's the only thing that makes a tck. It's how the different cultures we experience shape us and teach us to appreciate the world. I don't really know what my point is here. I think I'm just really happy to find another TCK:) It's always been others like me who I connect with the most. Despite our different experiences and stories, we truly are one big family across the world. Going to conferences where there are a bunch of other people who feel the same way I do have been some of the best times of my life.
And while I've gone through some really tough times, just like you, I wouldn't change my life for anything. In fact, some people might think I'm unlucky to have to live halfway across the world from them, but I think my life has blessed me in so many different ways. (I even entered a poem about my amazing life here into a Cricket poetry contest. I didn't get a place, though:)
So. Thanks for sharing your story, Riddler. We care.
(January 13, 2018 - 6:51 am)