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I promised myself
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
I promised myself
I promised myself I wasn't going to cry today. There is a mountain of a task ahead of me and I don't know how I'm going to do it. See, today was my last day of middle school. After a yearbook signing party (I didn't buy a yearbook but I still signed some of my friends'), I calmly walked to the bus loop with my friends, stopping to sign the yearbook of one girl that I wish I had known better. Progressivly, I grew more and more sad. But at that point I couldn't cry. I was expecting to. Eighth grade wasn't a great year for me stress-wise, but I truly enjoyed it. I grew farther apart from some of my friends, but to the others I grew much much closer to. I got sad just thinking about today for the past week. But I got onto the bus with dry eyes. I sat in the back seat and texted my friends while looking out the window. The buses park in two lines, and in between the two lines of buses, people walk to find their buses. My friends and I call it the tunnel of fumes. Today, teary eyed eighth graders slowly walked down it, mourning the loss of their childhood, the loss of friends, and because of all the nostalgia and missed opportunities. Even the tough kids were teary. I got a bit concerned because I wasn't crying. I was strangley a bit happy at that point. It was like my brain didn't recognise the loss of all those amazing people I met that will be going to different schools. Then my bus driver said something really sentimental and it hit me. Hard. Now I have to clear out my backpack and start all of my summer homework. It won't be the same without my friends to cheer me up like they often do. I'm not losing all my friends, I know this is kinda overdramatic, expecially considering I'm new here and don't really know you all very well at all. I just had to write to make myself feel better, and for some reason I can't write without a purpose. But I keep thinking of all those people I didn't thank, of all those people who don't know how important they are to me, of all those people I didn't hug goodbye that I will not see again, and of all those people that I don't write to in their yearbooks. Oh, and this one guy who I didn't know that always seemed like a jerk told me,"goodbye Mango". This kid interrupted his conversation to say goodbye to me, some shy girl who he's never talked to. I was so shocked that I couldn't say anything and just walked on, pretending I couldn't hear him, and that is even sadder. I'm sorry I'm taking up thread space for what seems to be just some kid's sad life story, but I truly would like advice. Share your experiences and advise me on high school!
@Ashlee. One more thing I want to address. I think you mentioned me being a year younger than you. I'm actually only thirteen. I forgot about that while responding to you once, and I haven't remembered 'till now. Sorry.
submitted by GreenMango
(May 26, 2017 - 1:33 pm)
(May 26, 2017 - 1:33 pm)
I understand your feelings, Mango. It must be really really hard leaving your middle school. I'm homeschooled, so I'm not leaving a school, but I know what you feel like going into high school. I'm worried about it. Worried I won't be good enough. Worried I won't have the freedom that I have now...and most of all, worried I'm growing up too fast.
Hang in there Mango. I'm here for you. Cricket is here for you.
Love ya!
Silver
(May 26, 2017 - 7:40 pm)
Thank-you! I was actually going to let this sink to the bottom, I just wrote it to make myself feel better. But now I want to respond since I'm less sad and more happy. Are you going to be going to a high school? Is that why you are worried? I understand the growing up too fast thing. Every year on my birthday, my mom used to tell me she wished that I could age in reverse and become four years old again. That has given me a severe case of nostalgia for childhood, even though I'm still in my childhood! There is a perfect word for that in Portuguese, that means nostalgia for something that you still have but are about to lose... sort of. Translations for words like this are hard.* I'm just a very stressed out and school oriented child. You don't have to worry if you are going to high school. You seem really nice and upbeat. In my experience, people like that, especially new people, get friends easily at school. I'm sure it's nothing compared to homeschooling which sounds amazing, but I have heard that you get a lot of freedom in high school.
*saudade. Pronounced sah-oo-da-jee. That's the word: missing.
(May 26, 2017 - 8:37 pm)
(May 26, 2017 - 7:40 pm)
I know how that feels, GreenMango. It's such a melancholy feeling to leave everything and start a new chapter in your life. It feels like you're abandoning your childhood, or it did for me. But really, you aren't. Growing up is more of a process, it doesn't happen in an afternoon. True, you are leaving a bit more of your childhood behind, but you haven't just jumped into adulthood. You're still young and you still have so much time and room to grow. Don't let anyone rush you, and don't rush yourself.
High school experiences? Well, I hope you are going to a high school with some people you know, because moving to a new school without knowing anyone... kind of sucks. Take it from me. I'm sure it would have made the transition easier, knowing people going in. Either way you will make many new friends, and some of them will be amazing people who you can't imagine living without. Some of them will turn out to be obnoxious, but that's just the way of the world. Definitely use a homework pad! Those help SO much! And check it. You may think you'll remember that test at the end of the week, but write it down anyway. Studies have shown that writing information down stimulates other parts of the brain, which will help with memory.
Just keep an open mind about people. Some people may seem weird and unfriendly at first, but could turn out to be very nice human beings. Don't be afraid to ask for help from teachers and fellow students.
High school isn't as bad as people make it out to be, so don't worry. You'll be fine! :) And you've got the whole summer to relax, so have fun!
(May 26, 2017 - 9:36 pm)
Mango, I know exactly how you feel. My school gets out in two weeks, and I'm dreading it. Because I go to a private school, everybody's going to different high schools. My school goes from preschool to grade eight, so everyone who has gone there their entire life is ready to go, but I've only been there two years, and all I can think of is how the friends that I've made there are everything to me. I really am excited for high school, but I wish I could just freeze time where it is and keep my friends with me forever. This will be my sixth school to go to, ninth if you count preschools. I should be better prepared for changing schools than most people, but instead it just feels like there's never enough time wherever I go. The longest I've ever been at one school is two and a half years. I want to tell my friends how much they mean to me, but I'm quiet and not good with words like that. A least I have Kestrel next year :)
(May 28, 2017 - 12:21 pm)
I live in a small town with 2 schools, one Catholic and the other Public. In high school, they combine.
So I've been stuck with the same old people since 1st Grade ( I went to a different small school Nursery-Kindergarten.) and will be from 8th grade till 12th.
I'm sorry you are losing all your school friends. But staying with everybody isn't great either.
(May 28, 2017 - 3:56 pm)