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Leafpool stared at
Chatterbox: Down to Earth
Leafpool stared at
Leafpool stared at the multitude of CBers walking around, running around, carrying their pens and pencils and notebooks and folders of art...and sometimes just signs with a big, black question mark that they held above their head.
She looked on as she saw the seasons go rushing by, with so many new threads that it was too hard for her to keep track.
She watched her friends come and go-- "Memories, so sweet and bitter...they had both nourished and devoured him (her) for so many years."
And she continued to feel like she didn't quite fit in.
She had considered leaving several times, but ripped up first drafts of goodbye threads and tossed them in the recycling because she knew she could never bring herself to leave. The CB was her home, however much she felt something wasn't quite right. And when waves of nostalgia washed over her, knocking her over again and again, she had clung to what was left of the CB that was there before to steady herself.
Many times, the memories were too much for her, and she had cried out in pain. But no one could hear her. And she had tried to understand that the CB changed with each new CBer that joined, but she couldn't help sobbing for what the CB was when she first joined.
But she would stay...she had anchored herself so deeply to the CB that tearing herself away would be tearing part of her heart away and leaving it there. So she stayed. She tied herself to the center of the CB and sat, cross-legged, there…. So maybe she wasn't noticed much, the CBers just rushing past as a pool of tears collected beneath her...but somehow, somehow she knew she would never be able to untie that rope around her that kept her close. Even though she might sometimes try in vain to break it, so she could leave and try to forget the memories...she knew the rope was too strong.
So she sat there, begging the CBers for sympathy.
And she stayed.
submitted by Leafpool
(May 23, 2017 - 1:10 pm)
(May 23, 2017 - 1:10 pm)
I am sorry. I don't know how to help... but I am sorry.
(May 23, 2017 - 5:06 pm)
Leafpool, that was beautiful. I don't want to make myself the center of attention or steal your glory, but I have felt this way recently here too. I didn't want to leave and yet, I felt like a was a piece from a different puzzle. You put this into words wonderfully.
(May 23, 2017 - 5:07 pm)
Up!
(May 23, 2017 - 8:30 pm)
This is beautiful, Leafpool. I'm sorry.
(May 23, 2017 - 8:56 pm)
She sometimes looked back... aching for what the CB had been, even though she hadn't been there. She looked at the friendships. Even a thread with an AE wedding, although she could find no other thread mentioning it and it's fate remained unknown.
She ached for the days when things had been... simpler, or at least as they appeared to be in the threads. She even wished she could have met everybody. Maybe if she had gotten curious about the Chatterbox earlier, she could have been there. Through heartaches and wars. Peace times and inventions. And all the other AE stuff. But then, maybe she wouldn't have been ready for the Chatterbox, her writing still in shambles*, her personality still wild and untamed, her eyes wide and innocent to the dangers of the world.
But there was a small place for her here, in the new and growing Chatterbox. She didn't comment much, for lack of the right words. When she did comment, it was usually brief. But she still laughed sometimes at jokes made, or the hilarious shakespeare slam thread.
She was changing, and the CB was changing. Change would just have to happen. There would always be memories.
(*Still in shambles, but better than it was.)
(May 23, 2017 - 9:03 pm)
Saaame with you and Butterfly!
I wish I could go back in time.
The only way I can help you is by griping with you, understanding how you feel.
(May 23, 2017 - 9:32 pm)
Oh Leafpool; *Tears starts streaming down my face* This is so beautiful. Trust me; I know exactly how you feel. Many of my CB friends have come and gone; many are never coming back, (Cho C. and Daisy. *Sniffle*) and many new CBers have come whom I don't know that much of. I too, have considered leaving the CB as you have, and feeling like i would never quite fit in. But Leafpool; although we don't know each other that much, I would very much like to get to know you better. Perhaps through this time, together, we can become better CB friends, and get to know and support one another through the CB? *Extends a hand* We can help each other, no matter what happens. We love you Leafpool. *Hugs*
(May 23, 2017 - 9:58 pm)
Gosh, Leafpool, I feel exactly the same way. I know that the CB is changing, and there's no way it could ever be the same as it was when I joined, but I still miss the way it used to be. I miss the CBers who have left (Cho, Coco, Daisy, Aquina, Balletandbow, and so many others), and I just miss the general dynamic that the CB used to have; the feeling that we've lost. I miss the feeling of peace and acceptance we used to have, when there was less fighting. I've also considered leaving the CB, but could never bring myself to. I relate so much to the last paragraph. I too, feel as if I'm not as active as I was when I first joined, and therefore not as important.
I would miss you if you left. We've both been on the CB around the same time, we're both part of the same generation. I'm glad you're still here. *hugs*
(May 24, 2017 - 8:23 am)
(May 25, 2017 - 1:22 pm)
*Hugs* Leafpool, I'm really sorry.
(May 25, 2017 - 6:34 pm)
I am sorry, Leafpool. And everyone else who shares this heartache. I love you.
(May 26, 2017 - 12:46 am)
I feel similarly as well.. I just don't have any friends on here anymore. Everyone is nice, but I used to have people who knew a lot about me and I knew a lot about them because we were friends.. now I'm just kind of a spectator and I don't know who's playing and what game this is. I guess this has happened before. I remember when a whole bunch of people joined about last year or so and I didn't know anyone.. I don't know if Scylla's still on here, but she was the first person I got to know a bit after the wave of new CBers and after that I felt a lot more comfortable and got to know everyone else. Now they're all gone. Now there's this wave and I haven't gotten to know anyone. Of course I'll stay though. Just in case. Oh dear.
(May 26, 2017 - 9:09 am)
Thank you for understanding, everyone. I love you.
(May 28, 2017 - 11:12 am)