New Situation

Chatterbox: Down to Earth

New Situation

New Situation

Agh, what is wrong with me? One moment I am desperate for math help (and trust me, that struggle isn't going anywhere anytime soon), and now I need help again. This time for a social reason. No worries, I won't rant this time.

Basically, I have a friend of mine who I really enjoy talking to. Thing is, we both have really bad social anxiety, and therefore, find it really hard to talk to each other. This person, let's just name the person "A" wants to talk, I know that much. A's mom leaves their house open for me to come when I wish, but I am not someone just to walk in. I need some sort of invitation. So A's mom has been trying to work with A, I guess and make A more confident in talking.

We are the kind of people that whisper when we talk, and never around anyone else, even if we are just like, "oh, how was your day?". So when we do manage to gain nerve to talk, and A and I are just at A's house or something, we do talk. But it is very seldom, usually clipped, and quite awkward. Neither ever make eye contact, and we both are super quiet.

So in short, how can I help my friend and I actually gain confidence to talk to each other? We are really good friends, but with anxiety means we rarely ever talk or see each other. Especially now that I am homeschooled, and we both work. It's like this with my other friends too, but this is the worst anxiety situation since A and I both have it.

Thanks, you guys! And wow, I didn't rant that bad this time.

submitted by Ashlee G., age 16, The Future
(May 10, 2017 - 11:53 am)

back to the Down to Earth

Maybe you guys could write to each other. Like, you bring a piece of paper to A's house and then write back and forth on it. I've done it a couple of times and it's fun, and sometimes writing to people is easier than talking to them.

submitted by Applejaguar, age !!, New York
(May 10, 2017 - 2:25 pm)

Thanks, AJ! I occasionally write my friends letters or bring a notebook on trips and we would write back and forth. But I never tried with A. I mean, never tried notebooking, there was a letter but A is not a huge fan of reading. Hopefully, it helps a bit! I just have to get A to actually write.

submitted by Ashlee G., age 16, The Future
(May 11, 2017 - 12:26 am)

Top

submitted by Topplejaguar
(May 10, 2017 - 2:25 pm)
submitted by Top top topity top
(May 11, 2017 - 10:05 am)

I have a friend sort of like this, (although she hasn't really ever said she has social anxiety, it seems like she does) And I have a friend with anxiety (not social, though). My best advice would be to write out conversations or text if you can, because sometimes trying to make eye contact/have a face to face conversation can be difficult, at least for me. I think getting to know basic things like favorite colors and animals might be a good way to get to know A better, too, maybe write down some fun questions if they're too hard to ask out loud? I have started to memorize conversation starters and stuff for when things get awkward. Maybe find a topic that you both could talk a lot about (I think everyone has one. It could be music, or gaming, or current events... ) and that might make it easier. I also think that when people smile they are 100 times easier to talk to, but that might be just me.

submitted by Bluebird
(May 11, 2017 - 7:36 pm)

Thank you so much, Bluebird! He isn't much of a texter, but I think we can make communication work. Maybe I can make it into a game of sorts? Like have a Q&A on paper. xD that would be awesome.

I think having conversation starters is really important too because we might start, then give quick answers and awkwardly glance at each other, nod, then just sort of wander off or go silent. I have yet to find what he really enjoys talking about... We usually talk about our pasts, like where we lived, our childhood, our future goals. Kind of odd because I barely know his favorite things (actually, I know quite a lot now that I think about it) but we instantly clicked into talking about our entire lives. 

And it is so much easier to talk to a smiling person! He tends to not smile, and people say I have this little charm where I can make anyone smile. So he smiles when I talk, which makes everything so much better and easier.

Thank you again, Bluebird! I don't know what I'd do without you. :D 

submitted by Ashlee G., age 16, The Future
(May 12, 2017 - 12:33 am)