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Some advice, plea
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Some advice, plea
Some advice, please?
Soo... this might sound a bit odd. I don't usually talk about my academics, IQ, how smart I am, or whatever. I don't even know if you guys care to hear. See, the thing is, I did not learn to read - not even recognize letters or anything - until I was 10. I was called stupid by family (besides my parents, of course), doctors, kids, and schools. I was told I would never become anything and would never learn to read, do math, or live outside of my parents' basement. It was not that I was lazy, just... things like that did not make sense. I got held back in first grade, and it never helped.
So my parents decided to homeschool me. Long story short, I jumped up in homeschooling to my regular grade, and I could have graduated at 16, so skipping grades too. By age 12, only two years after I learned to read, I was doing university level classes, with every single subject besides math at or above college level. Even math was still extremely high for my age. Then things went downhill again.
I went back to school for a few weeks for middle school (and a bit in 4th grade too). Didn't work out so well. I was getting into physical fights with students, I had no friends, I skipped classes, argued over evolution with my science teacher, and apparently, I got sent to the principal's office on a daily basis. I was also a social outcast, and they wanted to pair me with an older student to learn the ways of middle school and actually fit in and make friends. Didn't work. I left the school and went back to homeschooling. While in this school, I started occasionally being called out for being a "know-it-all" and one of those advocates that talk too much about what they believe in.
In eighth grade, we moved yet again (we moved a lot) to a farm town of 400, where I still live today. I went to the school, a K-12 with less than 100 students that many of you guys know about from previous rants. I... couldn't really fit in that much. I was "too smart" from what kids told me, finding everything thrown at me too easy. By the older students, I'd occasionally get mocked. It was fine, I had faced worse in elementary and middle school. People thought I was insane and kind of rude, because I would never talk, only read. It wasn't that I didn't want to socialize, I just did not know how to. I've gotten better about that, recently. Anyways, I left that school, having been there less than a semester.
Then 9th grade came back, and I returned. Everything was too easy, yet now I faced a new problem. Math. I was failing, I had so many gaps in math that I now worked at a 7th or 8th-grade level, and I still couldn't do fractions, percents, or decimals. I didn't know my tables or even some elementary math, like certain scenarios within the long division. I was holding up an A+ in the class because he didn't grade homework and did massive bell curves on tests. I was seen as the "genius' yet I was being beaten by special ed kids. Even my English, grammar was failing me. Science was an absolute joke. We were doing elementary science projects in 8th and 9th grade. 10th-grade "Biology" was talking about the basic units of a cell for months straight. It's pathetic.
So now I am homeschooled and for good this time. It's almost the end of my 10th-grade year, and yet I still am stuck with math. All the above still applies. I have massive elementary math gaps, and none of it makes sense. In fact, on tests, I get really high scores on advanced math, like Algebra II, yet fail elementary math. I just don't... I don't know. I am trying to work through websites like Khan Academy, and it's just slow. Each part, where you only have to get 5 in a row right, takes me an hour for 2 of those. An hour. I am slow, I feel like I don't know this, and I need to for college. For life, for goodness sake. So, after this huge rant, what am I supposed to do? It's bad enough having been bullied half my life for being "not smart enough", and not being able to ride a bike, or swim, or run. Then being seen as different because of how I think, and for being smart. Then I discover my math is so terrible, that kids who have spent their entire lives in special ed are better at it than I am.
I thank you for reading this rant, tolerating it all. I just need advice on how to approach my problem. Thank you guys so much, you are all the best!
submitted by Ashlee G., age 16, The Future
(May 4, 2017 - 3:40 pm)
(May 4, 2017 - 3:40 pm)
Oh, thank goodness I am not the only one that hates Khan Acadamy! I know he had good intents and probably teaches well, it just doesn't work for me. Too stressful, the 3/5 row things are insane. As it is, I get really panicky being in loud and cluttered spaces (even with having a single pencil fall on the ground or book out of place) that I will like cower in my own upset mind. Adding that to math - especially Khan Academy - does not help. Thing is, my parents agreed I have to do Khan because I do learn a bit, it's just slow going and beyond painful mentally. Fortunately, we will be getting MathUSee which is a visual and hands-on math curriculum, so I really hope that helps. Sadly, I will be working 2 or 3 years behind, plus filling in my previous elementary/middle school year gaps, but it's a start.
Thank you, St., for your help!
(May 5, 2017 - 12:27 am)
Wow.
I can't say I relate, and I don't know the words to comfort you, but I will try to help you.
I would work step by step with the "gaps." Now that is a word I can relate to. I missed some chunks of Algebra in my mind (I'm in eighth grade.), and I never got simple math things like negatives and positives. Literally. It was pitiful I never wanted to be called on in class when we did problems I didn't understand because I was embarrassed. I didn't know what to do, because I had never grasped that concept.
I found that the simplest solution was the most overused statement made by teachers and parents. It sounded like a broken record, I didn't think it would work.
Well, I tried it out, and that solution was doing that thing that I had trouble on one step at a time. Memorize it piece by piece. Somehow, it worked, and I had simpler stuff in my head in no time.
It may not work for everybody, but I hope it works for you. And if you ever need help with anything else, we're always all here for you, Ashlee. :)
You'll make it. You're one smart cookie! ^^
(May 4, 2017 - 9:19 pm)
Thank you so much, Killim! You have no idea, I can relate so much to the whole Algebra thing. I have to go back and do Algebra (2 or 3 years ago) and yet I barely passed my Pre-Algebra test. Basic concepts, out of the window like old food. Seriously, I think a lot of people struggle with Algebra concepts. Or at least, a lot of us do.
I will definitely work on memorizing piece by piece. I think a big problem for me is that I get overwhelmed so easily because the picture is so big. So yeah, I will take your advice for sure. Again, thank you so much! You guys are absolutely amazing, fills in for my lack of in-person friends. As in, I have literally like 1 or 2 friends and we aren't even that close anymore.
And your last comment made me smile, thank you, Killim, so much!
(May 5, 2017 - 12:32 am)
I'm sorry, Ashlee. I really, really, really wish I had some advice to give you, advice as good as you always give us, but I don't. Just know that I love you and support you in every way. I always looked up to you, and now I look up to you even more because, no matter how discouraged you get, you keep trying. You never give up. I look up to you because you are like a big sister to everyone and always know the perfect thing to say as advice. You fight for what you believe in and don't give in. You seem to really embody the phrase, "What is right is not always easy, what is easy is not always right."
You are amazing. Just keep going. Keep on being your amazing, spectacular self. I love you.
(May 4, 2017 - 9:46 pm)
Wow, I don't know what to say, I get kind of emotional over really nice people and comments. Like this. It makes me beyond happy to know you look up to me because I sometimes feel like I don't really live up to expectations, for what I could be doing. Especially with everything that holds me back in life, anxiety, fears, education, I usually view myself as a bit of a cleanup volunteer in a park, or a shadow, watching people stroll by as I try to make a change.
So you have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you so much, you are amazing, too. Love you as well and do know my gratitude for it all.
(May 5, 2017 - 12:07 am)
Wow, Ashlee, it seems like you've been through a lot. I wish I could help you, but I'm stuck here on Tatooine wish no way out (excuse my reference). All I can tell you is to keep going and stay determined. Do not give up. You will find a way over this, and you will succeed. Don't let anyone tell you anything different. If you keep going, you will be able to pull through.
"Failure is not fatal, success is not final. It is the courage to continue that counts."
~Winston Churchill
(May 5, 2017 - 5:42 am)
Thank you so much, Waffleson! I know my story when it comes to elementary bullies and math is not as terrible as others. I just have to remember I am not the only one struggling with this. As for that reference, I looked it up. Is it from Star Wars? I only watched one of the newer movies, so I am not all that Star Wars educated. Thank you again, I will keep on going, and I will not lose my determination. Also, I love that quote! Churchill was an amazing man, that is for sure.
(May 5, 2017 - 11:04 am)
You already know what I'm going to say.
Ashlee, never, ever give up. I am here to support you, and you can always come on the CB to rant, and know that somewhere across the country, or ever the world, someone will read it and care about it. If Khan Academy doesn't work for you, use something else. But always, always, always find a way. Those bullies are idiots, and you don't need to think about them. The people you need to think about are the ones on this thread. The ones who love and appreciate you, the ones who are there for you. The shoulders you can cry on.
Your math is not terrible. I know it feels that way, but remember: The ones who are bad at it at first are the ones who beat everyone in the end. If you persevere now, if you keep working hard, then your math will be better than the skills of the people who called you stupid. Thomas Edison was kicked out of school because the teacher thought he was too stupid to learn. You can do it, Ashlee. I believe in you.
(May 5, 2017 - 7:05 am)
Thank you so much, Mei! Yes, I knew what you were going to say, but I still really needed to hear it.
I promise I will not give up with anything. This is what I cherish about the CB so much, I know it is always a place where I can just rant, and yet somehow know people will actually care to read those rants. As for Khan Academy, my parents said I have to use it. They think it is the most beneficial way until MathUSee comes. Fortunately, that means I have to struggle through an hour a day only for about a week more. Then I can - and will - happily throw Khan Academy out the window. As for bullies, you are right. Ever since first grade, the same select people have been in my mind. I have a hard time facing family like grandparents knowing that they said I was worthless. How can I? The kids, that's one thing. I hopefully will never see them again. Doctors, teachers, same thing. But it is, and always will be, the family that hurts me the most.
I hope you are right when it comes to my math. If only people could just pop into my head for even a second and feel how I feel. They'd be crushed, not used to so many mental walls collapsing down on them. I will stay confident and determined. I will be the one who will end up beating everyone in the end. I might be at an absolute stand-still at the moment, but at least I am not the only one struggling with math. I'll follow in the path of Thomas Edison, he really is a big motivation. So again, thank you so much, Mei. It never fails, you, and the CB, are always here for me.
(May 5, 2017 - 11:19 am)
My advice? Don't use Khan Academy. If you really need to, keep practicing on one subject until you master it. It literally took me TWO HOURS to just to get ONE! So, don't get depressed. Try an "Evan Hansen Mom" approach. I know that you listen to that 'cause you recommended it to me. Try also having segments of time just to relax and look at your approach.
(May 5, 2017 - 8:32 am)
I wish I could say to throw it out the window into the creek, but hey, no. Sadly, I have to spend an hour a day on Khan Academy until MathUSee comes, which is around a week. Fortunately, only a week more of suffering and mental breakdowns. My mom doesn't understand all that well. I mean, can't blame her. But my mom thinks when I tell her it takes me sometimes an hour to do 5 problems, she says I am just working slow and not focused. She just does not have any idea how focused I am. To the point that afterward I am so mentally drained, I have fallen asleep for 2+ hours. Literally fallen asleep, bright of day. Usually with some tears in the mix because of the mental pain math - especially Khan - causes me. So yeah, I am with you on that time struggle there...
So what is an Even Hansen Mom approach? I do not think I have heard of it before. Wait, if I recommended it to you before, then I must have heard it somewhere. What did I tell you exactly?
I will also try and do that last part, segments at a time, breaking it down. I just get so massively overwhelmed, stressed, and mixed with the fact that I have anxiety? Not all that nice. At least it is just one more week. One. More. Week.
Thank you so much, Random Person! I really think I can get through this. It's just going to take time and a lot of determination.
(May 5, 2017 - 11:28 am)
Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will spend it's whole life feeling stupid.
(May 5, 2017 - 11:13 am)
True, true. A lot of people, including myself, feel like the fish sometimes. Thank you for the great reminder, Crookshanks!
(May 5, 2017 - 12:45 pm)
Okay, I'm kind of late to this thread, but whatever.
My best friend was held back in second grade, so I definitely know how you felt. Also, I move up a grade in math (I'm taking Algebra I in 7th grade) and still sometimes struggle with basic addition! Don't feel bad for being slow at problems- for example, I still can't type the proper way after spending three hours a day for I don't know how long on one of those dumb typing websites. If you have more willpower than me (and you do), I'm sure you'll get it eventually.
I was talking to another friend the other day and he was telling me about how he could think everything like math and grammar and stuff all in his head, but he couldn't really get it down on paper. I don't know if that helps at all, but if you have the same problem, know you're not alone. For the socializing part, I know it may be hard to find a good friend or group of friends (I'm in the same situation, my school has about 100-140 kids, too!). Don't stress it! Everything is going to turn out OK in the end.
Some people say to think of others who have it worse, but I don't really think that's good advice. It's okay to be sad or stressed.
If you're feeling discouraged, remember that we all love you <3 It's kind of strange giving you advice, because you are always the first one to give it to people. Pretend I'm giving you a hug through the computer screen :)
(May 5, 2017 - 8:33 pm)
Ohh, what am I still doing up? It's 11:52 pm. Anyways, point aside, thank you so much, Bluebird! I know you have a lot of willpower too, just keep on working on typing. Don't worry about doing it "the right way". I type 108 words per minute as my record, and yet I don't type regularly. I don't use my right pinky whatsoever, besides for punctuation, and I move my hand to reach other keys. And yet I still type that fast. The funny thing is, I used to be an absolutely terrible typer. So if I could do it, and yet still learn the wrong way, then I have no doubt you will be able to learn! Just type, however, feels best for you, and focus on the speed and accuracy. The position of your hands, eh, throw that out the window. At least, that is how it was for me.
I am the same way, I do some things, like even math, pretty good in my head. Fast? Not at all. I can't do multiplication or addition in my head, yet I can do algebra equations in my head. It's just how it works. I do think that helps, thinking about it that way. I do hope everything turns out okay. I have 3 close friends. One lives 15 miles away and I can't drive. The other lives like 5 miles away and neither of us can drive. Plus he's switching schools so I will rarely see him. The other lives a few blocks away, yet he is kind of anti-social and prefers not to talk. Soo.. Yeah. We are good friends, but he struggles with the whole social aspect. Otherwise, I just have acquaintances, and most of them will forget about me in time. If you haven't noticed, I am quite a forgettable person. Well, in person I am, anyways. I guess you wouldn't know that though :D
I know it's okay to feel upset about it all, but it still seems wrong. So part of me is thinking, well, you have to remember someone else out there has it worse. That's just how I was raised. But I understand what you mean, and I know it's okay. I hope so, anyways. Thank you so much, Bluebird! I love you all too, it's great knowing you guys are here for me. As for advice, I understand the awkward feeling. Try giving advice to a full grown adult, your old teacher at that? Kinda awkward, but definitely worth it if they listen. So thank you, again, and hug through the computer screen! :D
That made me feel a lot better, just thinking about you all. Imagine if we had like some giant meetup where all the CB got together and met? I know that wouldn't happen, but it would be amazing! Off point, but I just love the thought.
(May 6, 2017 - 2:03 am)