Wow, that sound hilarious and great! So my topic is...

MOVIE THEATER

So this isn't actually my story, but I'm part of my school's Yearbook staff (there is only two of us this year!) and we had a conference we went to. The key speaker was telling us a story that another student told him, and it went something like this:

A teen was at the movie theater with his best friend and I believe his date. Long story short, he went to the bathroom, came back, and sat down. His date sat between him and his best friend (another boy). His friend whispered across his date saying, "Bro, your zipper is down!" and he leaned over the girl and started helping him zip his pants. Hold on, hold on, it gets better. The date is wondering what on earth is going on. The friend asks him to stand up, and there was a girl in front of the boy in the next row. She starts screaming because guess what? His zipper zipped up her long hair that was hanging over the theater chair... And... AND... They couldn't get her hair free, so the random girl and the boy started side walking out past all the people (they were in the middle of the rows) and into the isle. The whole time the boy is trying to fix his pants and the girl is screaming at him, leaning back so he wouldn't pull her hair. 

It got so bad that the movie person SHUT OFF the movie and turned on the lights! Everyone turned and stared, wondering what on earth was going on. They somehow managed to free the girl's hair in front of everyone. The manager came through, and like I said, the movie was off and the lights on (in the middle of the movie) and the girl was still screaming at him.

To make it worse, his date left him. Ah, I felt so bad for the kid! Although I have to admit, this was the best story I have ever heard someone tell. 

My word is...

TOILET!!!

We used to have a cat who liked to sit on the toilet seat. We tried as hard as we could to keep it closed for her but one day it was left open. The cat leapt up and, instead of landing on the seat, fell into the bowl. She then attempted to climb out of the toilet and, instead of pulling herself out by the rim, she grabbed the lid of the toilet. The lid then slammed shut trapping her inside. It gets better though, when we opened the toilet to get her out, we saw that the cat had wedged herself just above the the water as if to say "I don't care if I fell in, I will NOT get wet!" 

My topic is

MICROPHONES ON STAGE!

Okay, so this is not my story (it's my friend N's) but she was doing a performance, and this kid was onstage performing his number. N was in the wings waiting to go onstage, and watching what was happening.

So, they get to the end of the act, and the kid exits, and N and some other members of the cast enter. Just as they're about to begin performing, a loud voice over the microphone says;

"Dude, the show last night was horrible. I had to go to the bathroom the entire time!"

The kid had forgotten to turn off his microphone, so as he was 'quietly' talking to his friend backstage, it was projected throughout the entire theater! Needless to say, the show was paused for incredulous laughter, though I can only imagine what a nightmare it was for the director/stage manager. It's well known that in show business, you can see techies running and not get fazed, but if you see SM running, you may as well call of the show.  

All of these are so funny! I'll tell one.

So one time I was walking back to my classroom with my class after lunch. Usually my group of friends and I stick together, so I was in the front with one of my friends, and four more of them were behind us. We were walking, and my friend expected her cousin to be outside of the cafeteria where the picnic tables where. She found him, so she said, "Look, there's Zach over there!" I didn't hear what she said, so I asked, "There's snot over where?" Then our other friend, not knowing what we had been talking about, coincidentally came up to us and said, "Who has softer hair?" It was so funny, and once we explained it to my other friend, we were laughing so hard. It's become like a joke between us since. XD 

Wow, I love these stories so far! Here is another one, how one of my friends and I even became friends in the first place:

So it was early in the school year, and still warm enough to eat outside (it was this school year). My best friend and I decided to eat outside with some of our other classmates, and a few 7th/8th graders, and I was the only girl there. So my best friend (say his name is "X") and one of my really annoying/kinda funny classmates (his name will be "Z") were talking. And X said to Z, "Oh I bet you cannot parkour over the lunch table AND Ashlee!" Of course, he was only kidding.

Well, Z took it seriously, stood up, backed up, and ran full force. He stepped onto the bench, jumped over the table, but misplaced and his foot landed on the corner of my tray. Food went everywhere, salad, mashed potatoes, milk, everything just BOOM splattered. I ducked and moved to the side and he jumped over my shoulder. If I hadn't moved, he would have probably kicked me in the head! Anyways, he rolled onto the grass behind me and started laughing so hard. In fact, all of us started laughing then they asked if I was okay. I was laughing so hard at this, I was practically crying. We cleaned up the mess, and Z was like this, "Hey, Ashlee, can we be friends now, after that happened?" And I told him, "This is the best thing I've seen in a long time. Yeah, we're friends now." And he's been a pretty good friend since then, all over trying to jump over me.

Yeah, X, thanks so much for messing around about parkour! No, literally, though. I've gained a lot of friends through seriously hilarious situations, such as that one.

Sorry, I forgot about the keyword! The one for the story I just posted is: FOOD

Have any of y'all ever heard of Jeanne Robertson?

She's this 73 year old lady who tells clean, reality-based humorous stories. I guarantee she is one of the funniest things you will ever see. My favorites are Don't Line Dance in the Ladies Room Part One, Don't Trust a Man With the Luggage, and Don't Mess With Teenage Hussies. Be sure to check them ALL out, and maybe sit on the floor while watching, because it is falling-off-the-chair-hysterically-laughing type material. 

My topic is

SAVING THE DAY IN SOME WEIRD WAY

Not really a keyword, but it rhymed. 

I was sitting in church during the sermon one Sunday, and our Youth pastor was preaching. I was in fourth grade at the time, so I was just sitting there politely, like any well-brought-up kid would do. The pastor was preaching about friendship, so, trying to make things funny, he said jokingly, "You can pick your friend's noses!"

Now, I don't know how he expected the congregation to react, but I don't think that he expected the utter silence that greeted his wisecrack. (Our congregation is full of elderly people so...) But I, as I am sure any fourth-grade girl would be, was grossed out. I, thinking I was being very clandestine, leaned over to my mom and whispered, "Ew!"

In the silence, the whole church heard me echo their own thoughts out loud. Immediately, the entire church body erupted with laughter. I had just saved our Youth pastor's joke, though at the time I was at a loss to explain why everyone was laughing.