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Please, please read.
Dear fellow CBers,
I'd rather not reveal who I am, for this question is extremely personal, and I'd rather not say. I need advice.
One of my friends (who shall remain known as S) is getting severely verbally bullied by one of her former friends (L). I want to help, because S is very depressed, and it's affecting her dancing. She hasn't been placing as well in competition. This started summer 2016. I heard about it in October/November ish. I'm homeschooled, so I don't really know what bullying feels like, but I know enough to know it's not fun. My mom went to school, and she got bullied often. She tells me to stay out of it. But I've already gotten in it, and I ain't backing down. This is not right.
The thing is, L is a SMART bully. She only bullies at school, when only other kids are around, and only once at dance-in front of the teacher. Our teacher was no help-she told S to "emit positive karma." -_- I can't help S at school, unfortunately. L acts all chummy chummy with S at dance, so no one except L’s ex-friends know, because she dislikes them now as well. She's always had a snotty air about her, but it's really come out. I don't know what to do. I support her as much as possible, and she appreciates it, but I know it's not actually helping.
My mom says to stay out of it. I'm already in it. My instincts say help. I don't know what to do.
-A sad friend.
submitted by Notsaying..
(January 12, 2017 - 7:44 pm)
(January 12, 2017 - 7:44 pm)
I don't want to contradict your mom, but... I believe you should do everything in your power to help. Maybe advise your friend to do one of a few things:
1. Have S talk to L privately, and have S ask L why she has been so mean. Then maybe they can work out something.
2. Have S talk to her dance teacher privately, explaining why this verbal bullying is hurting her, and have S tell the teacher she's been trying to "emit positive karma" but it's really affecting her.
3. Have S talk to her parents, maybe they can advise your friend, or even talk to L's parents.
4. And always remember: Kindness fixes things often. Advise S to be nice to L, and maybe L will start feeling bad about being so mean.
No matter what happens, continue to comfort, support, and advise your friend. You should not get directly involved by talking to L yourself or doing anything drastic like that. That will make L more angry, and she might start targeting you as well.
Just take it easy, and if those 4 things don't work, maybe talk to S's parents and figure out a solution to help your friend. I wish you and your friend the best of luck! I really hate when bullying happens... it's so terrible.
(January 12, 2017 - 11:29 pm)
Thank you, Ashlee. Those are good suggestions. :) I'd like to add one thing, that you reminded me of with your first suggestion.
S has tried to figure out what she did by talking to L, but L just rolls her eyes and walks away. In fact, last night, L started crying, and S went over and asked what was wrong, but L just rolled her eyes and said Nothing. Unfortunately, I was there. It really gets on my merves, and I wish she'd quit it. I didn't say anything, but S was really upset. Lots of hugs went around last night. :/
(January 13, 2017 - 11:52 am)
Not saying, You should definitely try to help. What I recommend is talking to your friends parents about it, and tell them how it's affecting her. That would be the best thing to do in this situation.
(January 13, 2017 - 6:29 pm)
Oh, tell S I'm so sorry of what's happening! I've been S before, it wasn't fun at all. I was very depressed, to a point where you could call severe depression, but I told no one, so it just kept getting worse and worse...
But here is how I got over it. I danced. For I am also a dancer. Even doing a different team sport where L isnt involved could help. It send good vibes through your body, keeps things rolling. More friends also helped. They cheered me up, got me back on my feet. A friend's suport is really key to situations like these. Make her feel good about herself, about what she's doing. And don't force them to be friends again. One of my friends made that mistake...it didn't end well for no one....
Anywho, just suport her. Tell her you care for her, you'll be there for her. Tell her to let it all go. Keep busy, it gets your mind off of it. I did dance and rugby at the same time a few months after this happened to me, and it felt so good. Just keeping busy helps, going out with friends, sports, school activities. Sports solved mine cause at the time I had no close friends who cared. Or family for that matter.
Just tell her to feel better and keep dancing!
(January 14, 2017 - 11:51 pm)
Do not stay out of it. That would make you a bystander. I'm not saying you should go rush in and scream in L's face about it (which I doubt you'd actually do) but definitely do something. I can't type much right now cause I'm on a phone, but if speaking to L doesn't work, just try acting like it doesn't bother you for a little while. If you let L see she's upset you then she'll keep on doing it. After a little while if she doesn't get a reaction, she'll probably stop doing it. I haven't been bullied in a really long time because of that. Of course, she might not even realize she's doing it. I don't know if this is the case or not, but it is quite possible.
(January 15, 2017 - 6:47 pm)