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Advice? Help? ANYTHING??
Advice? Help? ANYTHING??
If one of your best friends suddenly started making fun of you and laughs at whatever you do, what would you do???? I'm in a tough situation right now and I really really really need help!! Please can someone give me even a smidgeon of advice?? I know I'm being dramatic but I am just so...annoyed/aggravated/irritated/about to explode. *sigh*...
submitted by Wolfgang (Wolfie), age 13
(April 17, 2009 - 10:31 am)
(April 17, 2009 - 10:31 am)
Me too, except it's more like we're drifting apart. See, my FRIEND is suddenly becoming popular. (does anyone remember my post about her a while ago?) well, anyways, sense then, I found out that last year she was using me. Well, actually I'm assuming that, so yup. But I should have known! Now I just want to yell at her at the top of my lungs, and I could have today when she sat next to me at lunch but I didn't. I'm scared now. (Plus I didn't feel well anyways. I'M BETTER NOWW!)
(April 17, 2009 - 3:17 pm)
I've kinda had stuff like that going on, too. The best thing to do is pick a private time to talk to your friend. Ask them why they are acting like this, and if it was something that you did, ask what you can do to help. It could just be that he/she's totally unaware that they're doing this, or it could be for a reason. The best thing to do is to talk to them when no one else is around, in case this is a popularity thing. Try to distract yourself with other things, make some new friends or call up your old ones. Sign up for the school play or take up sewing...just do anything to keep from thinking about it too much and getting a bunch of pent-up anger. Gosh, i sound like an advice column...I really hope this helps!
~Koffee
(April 17, 2009 - 8:04 pm)
Hi, Wolfie, glad ur back!! Oh, yeah, that happened to me, too. But now, for some reason, she's nice again all of a sudden............I'm getting whiplash from her sudden changes of heart..........really.................
(April 17, 2009 - 8:23 pm)
Aww...thanks so much you guys!! I tried talking to her but she just made this fuss about how I was (huge quotation marks) "making her jealous"...oh well...
(April 18, 2009 - 3:46 am)
What happened to you? I thought you had left us forever :(:(:(........but I'm glad you came back:):):):)!!!!!
(April 18, 2009 - 5:03 pm)
This shows me what I get for not reading threads all the way through before posting. *headdesk*
'Kay, in my *other* post I told you to look out for narcissistic qualities such as shame dumping and superiority complexes. Well, FYI, saying something like "making me jealous" as an excuse for abuse is a red flag for a developing narcissist.
Basically, shame-dumping and blame games are major symptoms of narcissism. Shame-dumping occurs when the narcissistic individual flubs up and immediately tells a peer/coworker/superior/innocent bystander that it was, in fact, THEIR fault and not the fault of the narcissist. In its most basic form, shame-dumping is me making a grammar mistake in my published novel, and saying to my editor, "You should have caught that" even though the mistake itself was purely my fault, and I was at least partially responsible for editing.
The blame game is similar to shame-dumping, the one difference being that instead of the narcissist telling an individual that it was the victim's fault, the narcissist tells someone else that it was so-and-so's fault; "Oh, that grammar mistake? That's the editor's fault."
Anyhoo, your friend is shame-dumping on you by telling you that you make her jealous. You confronted her about her actions; she replied by blaming you for her abuse by claiming jealousy.
Alternatively something you did truly made her jealous, and she overreacted, in which case she's not a narcissist at all and could probably be talked around.
Tell her that jealousy is no excuse for her behaviour and that she should have just talked to you if you really did make her jealous. If she makes a fuss, refuses to see your side of the issue, or gets mad at you, then she's probably not someone you want to be hanging out with. If she concedes that maybe you're right, apologizes and stops mocking and laughing at you, then she's probably a good friend who you'll be able to count on (for the most part).
(April 20, 2009 - 7:39 pm)
I'm not exactly sure; I've never been in that situation (I don't have enough best friends, a.k.a. none). But I hope things work out!
(April 18, 2009 - 7:30 am)
If you can, seak to her (him? I'm just going to say it's a her, because it doesn't really sound like a guy friend) about how you feel and how you want her to stop, now. She may laugh it off or get angry at the time, but she may take your words to heart and reconsider. If you don't feel comfortable speaking to her about it, write a letter explaining. Make sure it's an actual letter, though, NOT AN EMAIL because emails can get forwarded and passed around forever.
(April 18, 2009 - 8:14 am)
I'm so sorry I can't help you!! I'm in the same sort of situation, and I haven't really found out what to do, so I can't help!! SO SORRY!!! (But I can tell you we'll always be your friend, but that's sort of lame, since we're practically virtual....) :(:(:(:(:(
(April 18, 2009 - 5:20 pm)
Same time as Egiap!!!
(April 18, 2009 - 6:23 pm)
There's not much to say that hasn't already been said, but I hope that things work out well one way or another and you're in my prayers.
I've been in situations like that, too.
(April 19, 2009 - 3:00 pm)
I think if they were a REAL friend they wouldn't do it in the first place. And do NOT let them know you're annoyed. Trust me, if he/she knows that it really gets to you, they'll keep on doing it. Just smile and walk away.
(April 20, 2009 - 9:35 am)
Aah, that's what my ex-friend Lisanne started doing to me two years ago. Is the friend in question being truly nasty, or just poking fun? If it's the latter it's possible they don't know you're feeling hurt by it, so they might stop if you just tell them to knock it off.
There's two options, really; you can try to ride it out, like I did for a while. Being able to laugh at yourself is very helpful in this scenario, so long as you don't laugh at yourself in an extremely self-deprecating way (like, if you were to snap someone's textbook shut and laugh about it, and then they were to do the same to you very suddenly the next day, you laugh along with them rather than getting angry because you can see that their sudden and unexpected payback is, in fact, funny).
On the other hand, if your friend's behaviour ((WHY do we Americans hate "u"s?)) continues or gets worse (if they become downright cruel rather than just light mocking), then you'll want to distance yourself from the friend. Immediately. If the friend is already really nasty, then get away quick. Don't let anyone belittle you and then laugh at your every action. If they do they aren't really a friend and you'd likely be better off without them.
(April 20, 2009 - 7:22 pm)
Hi, TNO!! Just wondering, are u still in school? You've been on at more random times recently.........nevermind................
(April 20, 2009 - 7:43 pm)
I can't say anything that's new, but sometimes people tease you because they feel uncomfortable around you, and, in the nicer form, are trying to make you laugh, or in the nastier way, are trying to make you feel humiliated and flustered. Other times, they're good friends with you and are just teasing, and don't realize they've gone too far or hit a sore spot. I know the latter's happened to me before. Hope this helps!!! :)
(April 21, 2009 - 9:31 am)