I need some

Chatterbox: Down to Earth

I need some

I need some advice.

So, I have a friend, let's call her Grace (not her real name). She's an amazing friend, a super-cool girl, really nice, and there's only one problem.

Grace and I have all our classes together and we're sort of tied for top of the class in practically everything. We both have really high expectations and won't settle for "good enough". Grace, however, has a tendency to... overreact. Freak out. Over a good score!

Say she gets a 94 on a test. She gets really upset, repeatedly saying (quasi-jokingly) that she failed and she qualifies for a retake (she knows full well she doesn't). The problem is that it makes other people feel bad—"If she thinks a 90 is bad, what will she think of me if she knows I got an 82?"

I've told her that grades aren't that important, that it's more important to learn but she doesn't listen. 

How do I tell her that she's making other people feel bad and that it's really annoying?

HELP! 

submitted by Abigail S., age 11, Nose In a Book
(March 12, 2016 - 4:38 pm)

back to the Down to Earth

I used to be like that too, mostly because I like getting good grades and having A's. And when you like that, getting something not perfect kind of digs at you! 

Maybe you should tell her that a grade is like a big bucket of water. Each test is a drop, and if one drop is smaller than the others, the bucket will still fill up. No one is going to judge her for a little bit less than perfect. I mean, it's fantabulous she's GETTING that high every time!

Also, ask her to put herself in other people's shoes, or imagine that she never got perfect grades. If she saw that, maybe she'll understand how she's making otehr people feel about it. That a passing grade means, well, a passing grade! You pass either way!  

submitted by Amber
(March 12, 2016 - 5:22 pm)

t

submitted by TOP!
(March 12, 2016 - 6:36 pm)

Dude, I get stressed if I get a 99 on tests. Some people are just like that. For me, it helps to just  tell me flat out it's obnoxious.

submitted by S.E.
(March 12, 2016 - 6:49 pm)

I think that the problem isn't her, it's everyone else.

Grace doesn't think that a 90 is bad; She just doesn't want to get one. Her standards are higher for herself than they are for other people. A 90 for her would be the equivalent to a 50 for anyone else, she doesn't think a 90 is bad for your other classmates.

submitted by Mei-mei (May-may)
(March 12, 2016 - 8:17 pm)

Well, I suppose that's true. I understand that it's disappointing. I get stressed out if I don't get 100s as well. It's just when she's having a total meltdown over a 95 when other people have 80 it feels to me a little insensitve. It's a good score. It's upsetting to not get as high as you'd like, but it's really not the end of the world. It simply gets tiring listening to her after about fifteen minutes or so.

submitted by Abigail S., age 11, Nose In a Book
(March 12, 2016 - 10:00 pm)

I think you should tell her what you just told us. Say that you don't mean to hurt her feelings and you're sorry if you do, but it comes off as a little insensitive when she's complaining about a 95 and other people have 70s and 80s. I think the problem is that she's a perfectionist and, from your description, has rather low self-esteem and so feels bad even when she got a great score because it wasn't a perfect score. I know what that feels like. Apparently I'm very smart. I'm good at chemistry. And swimming. And numerous other things. But what I've found is that for people with low self-esteem and low self-confidence, the brain always tends to pick out your worst qualities and tendencies and focus on those rather than the good things about you (such as focusing on the fact that 95 isn't a perfect score rather than realizing that it's actually a great score). I think her other mistake is being so concerned about grades / scores in the first place, but maybe don't bring that up.

submitted by hotairballoon
(March 13, 2016 - 5:48 am)

Hmm! I am homeschooled, and we don't grade things, so I have no idea if 90 is bad or not. But actually, what's bad or good in that sense is just an opinion. 

Tbh, whenever I do something like math, I always get at least 2 questions wrong. Usually because I just accidentally added something wrong. When I check my answers and see I get like 5 or more, I actually get kinda upset and it feels like I just wanna slam my textbook close.

 

submitted by The Novelist, The Secret Forest
(March 13, 2016 - 1:03 am)

It depends on how hard the test is and how much it affects your grade.

submitted by Mei-ling (May-leeng)
(March 16, 2016 - 4:46 pm)