One day, a rope went into a restaraunt and said, "Waiter, I'd like a lemonade." The waiter replied, "Sorry, sir, we don't serve ropes here." So the rope left, tied himself to a lamp-post, and cut his edges with a pair of scissors. Then he went back in and asked for a lemonade. The waiter said, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes," then looked at the rope and asked, "Are you a rope?" The rope replied, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

So a blonde loses her cell phone. Her brunnette friend helps and looks for it with her. They look all over the house twice, but still can't find it. So the brunnette says, 'Maybe we should call your cell phone from the house phone.' The blonde says, 'Hold on. I'll be right back.' When she comes back five minutes later, she says, 'I had to turn it off mute.' I made that one up, and I think it's pretty good, don't you?

Tip top tippity tippity tippity top top top TOP!

 So there's a polar bear in a restaurant and he's ordering a drink. He says to the waiter, "I'd like a Coke with...................ice." "Okay," says the waiter, "but why the enormous pause?" "Dunno," says the polar bear. "I've had them all my life."

That one's really bad, sorry. But I like it anyway. :)  

 So there's a polar bear in a restaurant and he's ordering a drink. He says to the waiter, "I'd like a Coke with...................ice." "Okay," says the waiter, "but why the enormous pause?" "Dunno," says the polar bear. "I've had them all my life."

That one's really bad, sorry. But I like it anyway. :) Then there's this one: Did you hear about the math teacher who brought his compass, protractor, and ruler on an airplane? He got in trouble for carrying weapons of math instruction.