No, this doesn't sound transphobic at all! It's completely reasonable! Thanks for sharing! I must say.. I don't really have that much advice, sorry. It sounds like you're handling this just fine, it's normal to be sad, this really does sound like a shocker. If any of my friends came out as trans, I'd be totally supportive of them, but some of my friends I've known literally my whole life and, well, I'm so USED to them using the pronouns they use, and I know that they'll still be as awesome as they were before, but I would still definitely be sad. Like a new era has come or something and there's nothing I can do to change it. Idk.

but Ig I'll just tell you a super long story of my own?? Not saying your experience is anything at all like this one, but idk if it'll help at all??

So, um. You all know this, but, a few years ago... I didn't even know LGBTQIA+ EXISTED. I had no inkling that anyone could have a different gender than the one they were assigned at birth, could use they/them pronouns, could be attracted to someone of the same gender, or not be attracted at all. NONE.

And I'm not proud of this, but... I'm a huge grammar freak, right? I may not know all the things there is to know about grammar, I may not be using correct grammar myself, but I love it nonetheless. You can probably see where this is going.

My friend introduced me to the term "gay" about 3 years ago. I didn't really think much of it. And then I suddenly started encountering LGBTQIA+ in books. I started reading WNDB (we need diverse books, highly recommend!) collections, and I encountered they/them.

I uhh.. immediately started crossing those out witha pencil bc, well, grammar.

I'm sorry.

And then I realized that EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. this person was mentioned, they/them was used. I was so majorly confused. And so I ignored it and read on and that was that.

And welp, yep, that's it. Never thought about it for like a year after.

And then I realized what was going on beyond my own ignorant bubble (which I'm scared was of my own making, I mean, SPOILERS FOR HOO, remember Nico's confession? With Cupid? I first read those books and fell in love in 1st grade. And each time since then that I've reread, which, let me tell you, I've reread each of those books 8 times and more now... that's the one blurry spot that I can't quite recall. Until I learned more about the world, I couldn't really remember what had happened there, except that he didn't like Annabeth or something? Yup.).

And I'm so so ashamed to admit this, but I felt SAD. I felt sad that this was happening, that people would use other pronouns than the ones they were given. Back then, I was so proud of being female. Girl power! And so I was sad that people were figuring out that they were male instead, to me it felt like they were renouncing feminism or whatever, which I know now is so not true. Idk. Please don't be offended. It was like everything I thought I knew was stripped away and I had to relearn the world all over again??

And then yup I started learning more about this and about gendered reading which somehow changed my view of the before paragraph and I started standing up for people of ALL genders, which is why I love that quote Poinsettia put up about not being a feminist because you're empowering EVERYONE, and then I stopped being sad and started being happy, being PROUD. So enormously proud.

And then I started figuring out myself.

And I'm still figuring out myself (and suddenly some things are making perfect sense).

And here we are. So what was the purpose of all that? Who knows. Ig it's normal to feel sad, and maybe that sadness will pass in time? Idk. Just keep doing what you're doing, and best of luck!! And, yes, it's also great to get things out! We're here for you if you ever need! :D

And it's fine with the posting, hope school gets less stressful for you though (unlikely, but we can dream)!! :) <33

Like Celine said, this doesn't sound transphobic, and I can see where you're coming from. 

However, I do think it is important to respect your friend's name and pronouns. It was likely hard for him to come out to you, and he's trusting you to use the name and pronouns he told you.

It'll definitely be difficult to adjust, and it's okay to get it wrong! Just correct yourself, apologize, and move on. Even if you don't get it perfect right away, I'm sure he'll appreciate your effort! But you do have to make an effort.

I don't know anyone who has come out as trans irl, but I'm think it's pretty natural to feel sad about it. But you have to keep in mind the other person's perspective--coming out as trans was likely a relief for them, and they're being brave by coming out to you, and your support means a lot.

you said you don't know where to start. that's okay! you don't need to know where to start--you just have to start. when you greet them, say "hi, T" instead of his deadname. when you're referring to him (with people that he's said he's okay with coming out to!!) use the name T and he/it pronouns. 

it might take a while for you to adjust. that's okay!! but you have to start somewhere.

and about the being Christian thing--i was raised Christian too, and i'm lgbtq+. there's a lot more i could say about this but this is already pretty long and I'm typing on mobile :P It's not my place to tell people what to or to not believe in terms of religion, but i do think it's possible for the two things to coexist.

basically, what i want to take away from this is that you have to make an effort. you have to try. you don't have to adjust right away, and that's okay!! no one expects you to get it perfect on the first try. 

and thank you, for being brave by posting this and trying to understand and gain perspective.

Hi, Parody. Sounds to me like you really like T, and he's a close friend to you, but you don't know where to start in supporting him. Let's work together to help you feel like you can better support T.

First off - you can be an ally regardless of what your religion is. Many LGBTQIA+ people are, themselves, religious - including being Christian. If T's singing at your church choir, then it sounds like it's Christian, too. The best way to really be a friend to someone is to support them all the way and believe in unconditional love. I'm not Christian myself, but if I'm correct you believe God created everyone, and you believe God loves everyone. Does that not include queer people? (Please correct me if I am wrong about anything, thanks)

Also, you now do know a queer person irl - T! Getting used to a new name and pronouns is tricky, so here's how it goes:

First, ask T who they are out to. If he's not out to certain people, he may perfer you don't use its proper name and pronouns in front of them. That may sound confusing, but this is a good way to keep him safe and comfortable. Ask it if he's willing to have a conversation about who he's out to and when it's safe for you to use his name and pronouns.

Then, when getting used to his pronouns, do this if you mess up:

You: I can't hang out with you today, J - I mean T, sorry - and I are going to the park.

You: T is a great friend! She - I mean he, excuse me - has lots in common with me.

Do you see how the simple apology and correction showed your friend you care about him without disrupting what's being said? When you mess up names/pronouns, correct yourself, apologize, and move on. There's no need to be dramatic or showy about your mistake; that can actually make trans people more uncomfortable.

You also know more queer people than you think. A lot of CBers on here are queer. We have a QSA (Queer-Straight Alliance), Pride Month thread, and pronoun dressing room that may be helpful to you.

http://www.cricketmagkids.com/chatterbox/chirpatcricket/node/545162 - Pronoun Dressing Room (various examples of how to use different pronouns)

http://www.cricketmagkids.com/chatterbox/chirpatcricket/node/371267 - Pride Month Thread (mostly for pride month, but you can see some people talking about their experiences which might give you some perspective on it. Definitely worth looking through)

http://www.cricketmagkids.com/chatterbox/downtoearth/node/540018 - QSA (queer people and non-queer people friendly space)

Also, T being trans will not change who he is. You'll still be friends. It will still be the same person you call your friend, now simply using a different name and set of pronouns. When you changed your CB name, did that change who you were? And forgive me for being blunt, but T being trans isn't really about you. Being trans is not something it's doing to you, nor is T being trans hurting you. In an environment with little openly queer people, it's probably really hard to come out. Let love beat fear, shock, and sadness. Be someone who makes T feel safe and seen.

Please feel free to talk to me if you have any more questions or if you need other case-by-case, specific advice on how to support your friend. 

First off IT USES IT/ITS!?!? That's awesome!!!! I kind of wish I could use it/its hehe. 

I'm not quite sure why you think you can't be queer/associate with queer people if you're Christian? Tons of people are both Christian and queer!  

I don't think feeling this way is wrong, but I do want to be clear that you need to use J/T's pronouns and respect it. Just to feel this way is fine, but if you don't use the wrong pronouns for it and such, it has every reason to be mad at you. Also, why are you sad that it's trans? It might just be change, but it also could be, like, thinking being trans is bad/sad, so it's worth looking into.

Main takeaway is please use its pronouns. No matter how much you are sad about this, it's never okay to misgender anyone. might post later more if read better.

*just saw its name is T sorry about that

also, even using they/them for someone who doesn't use they/them is misgendering. Unless T is okay with that, just stick with the pronouns it has told you to use. 

Hi!! I kind of get what you're going through- I've had friends that I'd known since first grade change their names and pronouns. I would get them wrong a lot! And sometimes I still do on accident. That's okay! As long as you're being supportive and kind :)

I wasn't raised Christian and of course have no right to tell you how to practice your religion but being an ally and being Christian are in no way exclusive! I know soo many Christians who are also LGBTQ+ allies. 

As for advice, I'd say: call your friend T instead of J, use he/it instead of she/her. I know it will be confusing and sometimes difficult and hard to adjust to, but just think about how happy he'll be that his friend is being supportive! If it/it's it too difficult for you to use at first you can just start with he/him and go from there. You probably don't have the most exposure to irl LGBTQ people which can make it harder to understand, but just think about different shows that you said you liked- Luz, Amity, Eda, Raine, Willow, and Hunter from TOH are all queer characters. Sasha from amphibia, too. It may seem like queer people are very different from people that you know, but they're not.

It sounds like you genuinely care for your friend and want to be supportive- I hope anything I said was of any help to you!!

Thank you all so much for your comments! 

Celine, Peri, Bobcat, Silver Crystal--and everyone else who commented--this means a lot to me. Thank you.

If I'm being honest, though, I'm scared to use it's pronouns and it's new name for him! I'm scared because...well, my mom isn't homophobic. Not really. Maybe just the tiniest bit? But she tries! And her main motto is; "It's their business, and if they're happy and have good morals and values--then that's all that matters." It's just that I've never been friends with a trans person before...and it's scary using T's pronouns for me. He said it was fine if I got it wrong, but I'm going to do my best not to, even if it scares me! My brother (not trans) hates it when he's misgendered, because he used to have longish (surfer style) wavy hair--so that's how T must feel when it's misgendered!

I'm just scared I'm going to out him by accident, or use his pronouns in front of my brother or my mom. (My brother is a little homophobic, but only because...he finds it weird. But he's not that bad, because he agrees that Yunan and Olivia from Amphibia are a cute couple!) My dad is more chill about pronouns and LGBT+ and stuff. And I know that they wouldn't make me stop hanging out with T, but I think my mom would get a bit worried, because I told her I wanted to use she/they pronouns awhile ago, when I was 100% certain about using them. I had a meltdown. And she and my dad weren't angry with me at all! They just wanted to know why I wanted to use them. And they asked if it was because I didn't feel like a girly girl. And I said yes. But at the time...I wasn't 100% certain that was why I wanted to use them. I just felt...like those pronouns fit. And my mom finds it a bit odd because she says it's not "grammatically correct," and sometimes I say; "you use they/them when talking about people whose gender you don't know, like 'oh, what's their name?' or 'they are making me very angry,' when in the midst of road rage." She admitted I had a point! So they're not exactly transphobic or homophobic (my mom had TONS of friends in college who were gay/bi!), just not...entirely open to it. I haven't told anyone this, actually--I've told a friend that I once wanted to use she/they pronouns and decided against it...but not with this much detail. So. Congrats?

Anyway, key detail is that I'll try my hardest to use T's pronouns and name when he's around, and even when it's not around!

I love T (/p), and I want him to be comfortable around me. Also, T's new name is so cute! And I must admit, it fits him well.