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Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket
Help?
Help?
Hello, there. I'm one of many CBers that have extended an outcry to their fellow Chatterboxers, because they have personal problems. So, to begin.
I'm a Homeschooler.
You might ask why is this relevant? Well, the truth is, I don't really leave the house, except for Church on Sundays. In any case, keep in mind that I don't do the whole 'leaving the house', 'social skills', 'friends', 'relationships', or 'love' things.
But I do have a handful of online friends.
Before I go on, it's time for another explanation.
I have Social Anxiety.
Heck, nobody's even confirmed that to be true. But there has to be a reason why I always avoid talking to people. There has to be a reason why I don't exactly enjoy leaving the house. There has to be reason why I don't get myself involved with love or even dare to have a crush. There has to be a reason why I regret every social slip-up that's ever happened to me and think about it for months, even years after it actually happened. If I say something awkward to my mom, I instantly freeze and wonder if the person a few feet behind us thought that I was talking to them. I didn't even know about social anxiety until I read another CBer's post describing their own case, and realized how similar it was to my problem.
So yeah, we'll just say I have Social Anxiety.
My issue? My online friends keep making me happy.
I want to spend time with them, and I enjoy it a lot. But I always act awkward or embarrass myself. Once, I ranted at literally all of them. Whenever I talk about my troubles with them, one of them thinks that I'm lying for attention, and tells literally all of the few friends I have in the world that I'm trying to guilt-trip them and give myself special attention.
One wanted to buy me something with real money. If they do, I'll be trying to make it up to them my whole life. My anxiety will spike even more and I'll always be thinking and wondering. I would make myself believe that they think I don't appreciate them.
Easy, the solution here is to stay away from my friends so I don't get anxiety attacks. But when I do stay away from them, I get upset easily. I miss them too much.
How do I get out of this mess?
submitted by Alyss (Anonymous)
(December 20, 2017 - 2:54 pm)
(December 20, 2017 - 2:54 pm)
Feeling your pain and sending virtual hugs!
You shouldn't stay away from your friends. Believe me, I have been in situations fairly similar to yours (though not so extreme), and isolating yourself just makes things worse! As you say, you end up missing your friends a lot.
The best tips I have for you are to keep trying and work on self confidence. Yes, it sounds sort of vague to begin with, but I'll elaborate.
The most effective way that I have found to get more comortable in social settings outside of the house is to actively seek them, no matter how awkward they are at first. I've tried sitting around at home overanalyzing my feelings, and it doesn't work well at all. You just need practice! Here are a few of the ways I get involved in groups outside of my house:
- Acting and art classes (at a homeschool co-op-- a great place to find other awkward people like you!)
- Church choir
- Community choir
- Gymnastics class
- Handbell choir
- Summer camps
- Volunteering at a local nursery school
- Youth group
As you probably know, often when you start a new group you feel awkward and left out, or it seems like everyone else is best friends and you aren't. If you just stick with something this feeling should goes away eventually, or you can speed it up by introducing yourself to other people, or seeking out other people on the outskirts of the group and asking them questions. It takes practice.
Self confidence is a vital. It's the willingness to speak up, and also to make the enivitable mistakes that happen in social interactions but not to dwell on them too much. Everyone makes these mistakes, some people are just better at covering it up. If you'd said something that accidentally offended someone, apologize, but move on. If you just misspoke or phrased something awkwardly you can usually brush it off and people are forgiving. My catchprase is "I can't words!"
I have to wrap it up for right now, but I have more to say later.
(December 20, 2017 - 6:25 pm)
(December 21, 2017 - 11:42 am)