Chatterbox: Chirp at Cricket

The girl stared at her screen, willing her fingers to accept what they were writing. That a reclusive person was coming out of her hole and being more active on the CB. That she would be actually (Gasp!) commenting on threads, and maybe even joining a few RPs, when she had the time! Expressing happiness, sadness, anger, puzzlement, or heartbreak over the recent conflicts on the CB. 

She felt that most people—bar her CB sister, who’d sort of disappeared as well— on the CB had forgotten about her. She hadn’t made a big mark on the CB, and she’d only been here half a year. She only commented on things which made a big impression on her, things that really made her think, like Ashlee G.’s thread about legacy. Or things she loved, like Abigail S.’s amazing (AMAZING) story (link: http://www.cricketmagkids.com/chatterbox/inkwell/node/281601), and bookish threads, occasionally. The thing she felt guiltiest about was visually disappearing from the CB, so that most people forgot about her, except to occasionally remember the creater of the AE who did her best to gate-crash the AE Ball back in April. She’d been ghosting around. She’d been there for everything after January 24th, 2017—Claaws leaving, Claaws coming back, Embers in the Ashes going on a writing hiatus, Gared leaving more recently, Leeli ‘disappearing’, Killim moving to a new house and new place (Love you, Killim! Stay strong!), Abi going to sleep away camp for a week, Ashlee celebrating her 7th CBversary, the influx of new CBers, half of whom she couldn’t remember the names of. 

She knew that the Admins were doing the best they could, trying to be diplomatic about everything, and keep everything appropriate for even their  youngest readers. (Their words.) 

And she didn’t want to be disloyal, or undermine the Admin’s authority. 

But that was the thing: The Admins weren’t her leaders. Yes, she respected their judgment. Yes, they were doing their best in the face of what was shaping up to be a possible second Diversity war. Perhaps  the Admins were the CB’s supervisors. They had a difficult job, and this recent issue was probably giving them a headache. They probably wished that we would all stop yapping and just accept The Doctrine of the CB Policy. 

The girl wanted both to sink to the ground and weep as the storm tore her home apart, and to fight, to stand for or against the Admins and the restriction of plain truths, and option Horrible: to leave. 

But she couldn’t leave—that, to her, would be the easy way out. The coward’s way. The way that said that she couldn’t accept what was happening to the CB, so she had to leave before it got any worse, instead of trying to change it, or at the very least offer her input on the situation. Because that was all she could do, really. Offer her input. She couldn’t reach over time and space and force the Admins and Editors to reconsider. (She’d be seriously creeped out if she had that power anyway.)

And she also thought that at least not everyone was yelling at the poor Admins. ‘Diversity is a good thing, but we’re not allowed to talk about it on the CB. At least, unless we have strongly constrained forums—almost debate threads—where almost everyone is asking pretty much the same question of the Admins—Why?’ 

(And then they’re getting worked up because the Admins keep referring to BHR’s comments. She didn’t intend to speak for them! The Admins are only referring to her comments because they feel that she expressed what they are trying to get through to us clearly and eloquently!)

The girl sighed and pressed the palm of her hand against her forehead. These issues—diversity, religion, politics—she was glad that there were still some unrelated places. Places of peace, like the enormous and beautiful Art thread in Puddings Place (link: http://www.cricketmagkids.com/chatterbox/puddingsplace/node/212426), stories on Inkwell, and of course, the Harry Potter Trivia thread on BaB (link: http://www.cricketmagkids.com/chatterbox/blababoutbooks/node/160072). 

And yet, it seemed like so many people were leaving. Even as an influx of new CBers poured in, old CBers trickled out. 

She would stay, even as the CB broke new ground and people left, as angry/frustrated comments abounded, and as decisions were made. 

She would stay, even if others wanted her to leave, even if it meant that she had to disappear again, though still watching.. 

She didn’t know whether it was the right decision—to post or not to post?—and she knew that this post had the potential to make a lot of people angry. (Assuming the Admins didn’t delete most of it…) But that was why she was saving it elsewhere. Even if it never showed up on the web, she would always know what she had said. 

And that was that. 

Peace, love, and chocolate mints to all. (Or regular mints if you’re allergic to chocolate.) 

-Nianad 

(P.S. If you made it through all my rambling, kudos for you! Thanks for sticking through this far! You deserve chocolate mints, and a hug if you need one! *hugs*)