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I think we need a new jokes thread. The old one is still striving to be alive, but I think we need a comments refresher on this one...
A lady has a heart attack and has a near-death experience in which she sees God, and he tells he she has 25 more years to live. So she decides to make the best of her last years: She gets plastic surgery and dyes her hair. Coming out of a store one day, she gets hit by a car and dies. She complains to God, "But you said I had 25 more years to live!" And God said, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you."
That's all I have now . . . couldn't find one of my favorite books with them.
submitted by Blackberry E., age 13
(May 6, 2013 - 3:22 pm)
(May 6, 2013 - 3:22 pm)
I found a couple.
Teacher: Your behavior reminds me of the square root of two. Student: Why? Teacher: It is completely irrational!
Teacher: Why did your mom and dad do your algebra homework? Student: They understand parent functions.
Student: I wish I was born 1000 years ago. Teacher: Why? Student: Then I wouldn't have to learn as much history!
Lastly I have a couple riddles for people to figure out.
1. What runs but never walks?
2. How many letters are in the English alphabet?
3. A bus driver was heading down a street in Chicago. He went right past a stop sign without stopping and turned left where there was a no left sign. He went on the left side of the road past a police officer. But-he didn't break any traffic laws. Why
4. What belongs to you but others use it more than you?
5. How can you throw a ball as hard as you can and have it come back to you? The ball has no strings attached, it doesn't hit anything, noboby throws it back or catches.
(May 6, 2013 - 4:34 pm)
1. What runs but never walks?
A river.
2. How many letters are in the English alphabet?
18. t,h,e,E,n,g,l,i,s,h,a,l,p,h,a,b,e,t
4. What belongs to you but others use it more than you?
Your name.
(May 7, 2013 - 6:06 pm)
1. A nose?
2. Do you mean different letters? If yes, then 11. If no, then 18.
3. He was walking or riding a bike.
4. Your name.
5. Throw it into the air.
(May 8, 2013 - 6:54 pm)
@ Ivy
All the ones you guessed were correct.
@Ruby M.
Yes, to everyone except the first.
Well, I guess those weren't too hard. Maybe I'll look for more.
(May 9, 2013 - 6:05 pm)
A faucet? In response to number one.
(May 9, 2013 - 6:17 pm)
1: Fridge
2:18
My Riddle: A cowboy rode into town on Friday and came out on Friday 2 days later. How can this be?
(May 11, 2013 - 4:45 pm)
His horse was named Friday.
(May 11, 2013 - 8:20 pm)
That one's SO obvious.
(May 12, 2013 - 11:23 am)
To the top!
(May 7, 2013 - 3:53 pm)
Okay, so, this isn't a joke. It's a riddle. But I'm curious if anyone can solve it.
What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?
So who can solve it?
(May 8, 2013 - 10:45 am)
A person.
(May 8, 2013 - 6:37 pm)
A man.
(May 8, 2013 - 6:51 pm)
A man, because he crawls on four legs when he's a baby, walks on two legs when he's middle aged, and has a cane when he's old.
An inmate in an insane asylum proclaims, "I am Napolean!"
Another inmate asks, "How do you know?"
The first inmate says, "God told me."
A voice from another room yells, "I did not!"
(May 8, 2013 - 7:38 pm)
Gah, jokes. I'm terrible at them. But here's one my friends did at a school talent show, with a call out to me and my friends:
Question: What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
Me: What?
Answer: Well, a teacher goes "spit out your gum!" and a train goes "choo-choo!"
It's better than the one that this one kid told on morning announcements.
"A cat had memory loss.
A cat had memory loss.
A cat had memory loss."
There you go. My life is terribly un-funny. Well, actually, my school is shaped like a donut, so a giant could pick it up and eat it. Is that funny?
(May 12, 2013 - 6:36 pm)