So, basically, i'm
Chatterbox: Blab About Books
So, basically, i'm writing a book! Yay!!!
okay, so, the plot is that 200,000,000 years ago, there was an terrible Evil that came from another Realm (dimension). they were called the Sparkling Rainbow Unicorns. wait.... sorry, wrong script, that was the comedy one. they were called the ShadeMasters. they conquered the world of Avortoth. Their rule went reletively unchallenged for about five thousand years (well, except for a few people who spoke up and were instantly disintegrated) until, another group came from a different realm. These people were called the Mages of Light. they overthrew the ShadeMasters and took control of the Realm. they made Gateways to all(?) of the other Realms. now, for a very long time they ruled the Realms well, but reletively recently (about 3000 years ago) they became evil and corrupted by power. until now they went unchallenged (again, except for a few people who spoke up and were instantly incinerated) because the only mages were the Mages of Light(now called the RealmMasters or -secretly, between civilains- the DarkMages.). now, in the year 200,000,278 PSM (Post ShadeMasters) new mages came into their power. these mages are but teens. One is a squire of Kelddath Darkmire, a DarkMage, one is the lost daughter of that same DarkMage, one is a librarian's apprentice in a secret rebellion (secret because, well...fear of incineration), a orphaned thief, and many others.
Aright, so, guys, any ideas for world development? it's a prreettyy small multiverse at the moment.
(January 28, 2018 - 12:16 am)
You could make something based on colors! You know, to go with the Dark/Light thing? Maybe provinces, or animals (bring back the sparkling rainbow unicorns!)
(January 29, 2018 - 1:33 pm)
yeah, the unicorns are from the sparkly pink stereotyped girl dimension.
(January 29, 2018 - 3:05 pm)
I’m sorry I bottomed it by accident, so TOP!
(January 29, 2018 - 1:34 pm)
top
(January 29, 2018 - 1:39 pm)
(January 29, 2018 - 2:13 pm)
You could maybe base the realms off the 5 elements, earth, fire, water, air, magic (I'm counting magic)... Oh, sorry if this is annoying, but can we know a bit more about the characters?
(January 29, 2018 - 6:10 pm)
Hmmm, i don't really know the best way to describe the charries, i'm going to start posting the story on the CB when i've written the first chapter so you can see then.
So, the first 8 books are basically the main charries fending off evil while also mastering the 8 different arts of magic (Wind, Earth, Ice, Plant, Water, Lightning, and Fire) and the last two books are going to be both the DarkMages and the CircleMages (as the good mages will be called) dicovering epic new forms of magic, becoming never-before-seen levels of OP and clashing in EPIC battles. the books will be called the Rebellion of the Cyclones (as you know) the Earthshaking War (pardon the pun) the Clash of Ice, the Growth of Rebellion, the War of Lightining, the Spark of Victory, the Battle of Mastery, and the Ultimate War.
(January 29, 2018 - 10:21 pm)
(January 30, 2018 - 1:36 pm)
Part 1, chapter 1
Zedar
was polishing his master’s boots when he realized it was his
birthday. He thought about being 14 for a second, then he went back
to polishing. You see, he was Kelddath Darkmire’s -the 11th
RealmMaster’s- squire. Which was most definitely NOT fun. He presented the boots to the DarkMage, who roared at him “THESE
AREN’T CLEAN!!!! THERE IS A SPECK OF DUST ON THEM!!!!” the
DarkMage had been a little -just
a little, mind you-
unstable ever since his son
and daughter had
disappeared in the middle of the night three years ago. Zedar
finished polishing for the second time and yet again presented the
boots to the DarkMage “AGAIN?!?!?” the RealmMaster roared “THERE
IS A SPECK OF MUD, RIGHT THERE!!!” he pointed at it, then slapped
Zedar three times on the face.
Zedar felt something powerful welling up inside him, it
felt...Strange, but not painful. Zedar stood up, his eye glowing
gray, “WHAT THE 1ST
REALM-MASTER!!!” Kelddath yelled “IS GOING ON!!!” Zedar began
to float in the air, his eyes emptying of all color and instead
glowing white. Then Zedar stretched his hands out to the sides and
nothing happened. But then Zedar raised his face toward the sky and
summoned a tornado. Now,
this was right about the time where Kelddath had stopped gaping at
Zedar and begun to shoot lightning bolts at him, which Zedar was
deftly deflecting with gusts of wind, also, the DarkMage was
extremely confused and scared, and you must feel at least a little
sorry for him. Now he shouted “WHO THE 1ST REALMMASTER ARE
YOU?!?!?!?” and then the tornado i
talked
about earlier burst through the wall behind Zedar. Zedar then pulled
it into himself and unleashed it in the forms of armor, a magnificent
white Pegasus, and a sword… you really must feel sorry for
Kelddath at this point. I’ll spare you the
gory details of when Zedar chopped Kelddath’s head off, but I will
say that there was blood, the armor and the sword disappeared, and
Zedar slumped to the floor.
Aztarg woke up flying. For a second, all he could
think about was the fact that he was flying. And flying. And flying.
Then more important questions came up: Why am I flying? How do I
know what that means? HOW am I flying? How do I know what that means?
Where am I? How do I know what that means? Who the heck am I? How do
I know what that means? Then
Aztarg saw a speck in the distance
“what’s that?” he asked himself “How I know what that means?
Also, WHO THE HECK AM I!!!” the speck was close now, and it was a
giant portal. “A portal?” Aztarg asked himself “how do I know
what that m-” his words were cut off as he entered the portal,
there was a enormous CRACKA-CRACKA-BOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!! and
Aztarg was falling. Falling. Falling.
“IIIIIIII’M NOOOOOOT
FLYIIIIIIIINGGGGG ANYMOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!” yelled Aztarg
“HOWWWW DOOOOO
IIIIIII KNOOOOWWWWW WHAAAAT THAAAAAAAT MEAAAAANS!!!!” a few
townspeople looked up disinterestedly, then scrambled out of Aztarg’s
way, screaming. And then Aztarg flung his hands out to his sides and
summoned wind. So much wind. Aztarg formed
it into a ball of wind and surrounded himself with it. However, he
couldn’t stop his momentum and crashed into the ground, leaving a
house-sized crater. Nobody was hurt, but half the market was
obliterated and the townspeople were mad. Aztarg stared at his hands
for a second, yelled “i am having SUCH a BAD day!!!”
and ran off, jumping over buildings
in a single bound (and no,
he’s not Superman) as he
ran from the angry mob chasing him.
Alyson
warmed her hands by the fire, wondering when Frodar would be back,
Alyson had wanted to hunt that day, but Frodar had insisted. Now it
was pouring rain so hard it looked like they had been transported to
the Realm of Water. They had been stranded in this weird,
unpredictable realm, ever since they had fled from Kelddath and the
rest of the DarkMages and
her brother had died.
Frodar had finally returned, soaking wet, a wound in his shoulder,
empty-handed. “sorry I couldn’t find anything” he said “all
the animals were in burrows or above the clouds” “nothing? How
did you get that wound then?” “couple o’ DarkMages” he smiled
grimly, without mirth “let’s just say they won’t be attacking
anyone...ever again.” Alyson sighed “great. Just great. Now we
have mages to worry about.” “yep.” he said “it will be rather
annoying. Anyway, how’s your magic coming along?” “i managed to
drill a large hole in the back of the practice chamber...it collapsed
though.” “hmmm… how big?” “about ten feet back, five foot
radius” “not bad!” he cheered up significantly “i found
something on one of the DarkMages that I think you’ll be interested
in.” “What?” Frodar took something out of a small waterproof
pouch “it says ‘three days ago, in the Realm of Keldar, Kelddath
Darkmire was killed by his squire, Zedar Flamesword-’” “Zedar
killed my father?!?” “yep, and wait, it gets better. ‘Zedar
showed extremely powerful wind magic, summoning a Pegasus, armor and
a sword.’” “ZEDAR?!? this is my the same Zedar I’m thinking
of, right?” “yep. And then two days ago, a strange boy crashed
down in the Feldagard Market and destroyed half of it.” “HALF of
it? But how could a single
boy
crashing down cause a half-market-sized crater?!?” “he surrounded
himself with wind to keep himself from being hurt, and here’s the
best part: this boy was never born, according to the Database.” “oh
my Realms.” “exactly.” then a boy stumbled into the cave
“Alyson? Frodar? Is that really you?” “yes, but who are you? If
you’re working with the DarkMages I’ll-” Alyson placed a
steadying hand on Frodar’s arm “Frodar, if he was working with
the DarkMages, he would be armed and wearing more than some cotton
and a tattered old leather cloak.” then to the boy “and who are you, and how
did you find us?” “i-I’m Zedar, how I know where you are is
because I saw the RealmMasters discussing how best to capture you,
they know where you are too...and they’re coming to capture you,
Alyson, and they don’t really care what happens to you, Frodar as
long as you face ‘justice’” as he said the word ‘justice’
he made air quotes “just let them TRY.” said Alyson. “Zedar,
how much control do you have over your magic? “as long as I’m not
freezing, I can make it very strong, and I’ve got Zephar.” he
whistled, and the majestic
white Pegasus came swooping through the cave
entrance.
(January 30, 2018 - 1:38 pm)
I like it! Some constructive criticism:
1) It feels very...rushed and fast-paced. I'm a fast reader to begin with, and that was a short piece, but that took me less than two minutes to read. This is something I'm working on as well, so don't feel alone--but definitely work on slowing things down a little.
2) I am a big fan of in medias res (being thrown into the middle of the action at the beginning of the book), but this was quite confusing for me. I'm not sure what it was, but I found the story action-packed. Which might've been what you were going for, and if so, I completely got it, but maybe try to explain things a bit more?
3) One last thing--I know it's annoying on Cricket, especially if you're copy-and-pasting from Google Docs or something, but maybe use italics instead of capitals so much? It just kinda feels like someone's screaming the story at me in parts. xD
None of this is meant to be offensive or down-putting. Just some suggestions. I look forward to the next chapter!
P.S. My CAPTCHA says gufu. xD
(January 30, 2018 - 10:41 pm)
Yeah, i'm planning to slow down the story from here, and i apoligize for the formatting, that is very annoying. The capitals were because i don't like to use italics unless it's my AEs talking.
(January 31, 2018 - 10:51 am)
No problemo! I can't wait for part two! :D
(January 31, 2018 - 11:10 am)
Sorry, i haven't written much, Inktail, the story will slow down a little bit in the next chapter, but that chapter will introduce the rest of the story.
(February 1, 2018 - 9:51 pm)
Dont worry about it! To the tippy top! Can't wait! :)
(February 2, 2018 - 1:44 pm)
Sorry, i haven't written much, Inktail, the story will slow down a little bit in the next chapter, but that chapter will introduce the rest of the story.
(February 1, 2018 - 9:58 pm)